It’s Time To Take Out The Trash

In the aftermath of the Connecticut shooting it seems like everybody is asking the same question. ” How do we stop these mass shootings? ” The truth is that we will never be able to stop them completely. Evil has been with us always. Evil will be with us always. We can however in my humble opinion curtail them severely. That solution is simple , so simple that The Higher Minds can’t conceive of it. Contrary to what those Higher Minds tell us the solution is not to disarm our law-abiding citizenry in the face of this onslaught of evil. The solution is simply to ” take out the trash “. My proposals in that regard are listed below.

1. ” If You Do The Crime You Do The Time ”

         I propose that we eliminate all plea deals for violent crimes except those that are within the parameters of the given crime. For instance if the crime committed calls for a sentence of 7 – 10 years than no plea deal shall be for a sentence of less than 7 years. No more immunity , no more supervised parole, no more reduced sentences for cooperation. You do the 7 years period!!.In short no more leniency. I further propose that the ” Diminished Capacity ” legal defense no longer be accepted as a valid defense by the legal system. If you are stupid enough to get high on drugs and murder somebody you should not be allowed to say that you committed the act because you were high on drugs and not in your right mind at the time. It’s time that these sorts of felons face adult sentences for adult crimes even if they behaved as stupid teenagers.

    2. ” Equal Before The Law “

           If Congress strips Americans of their Constitutionally protected right to bear arms then it should be for all Americans without exception. I will expect that no Congressperson will be allowed to have a weapon. I will also expect that all government buildings will no longer be protected by gun bearing troops or police just like the average American’s   schools , places of business , social gathering spots and homes. I will expect that the President will no longer have Secret Service protection. In short I will expect all of our leaders at every level and branch of government to be rendered as defenseless as the average everyday American John Q . Public. I would also expect this new policy to extend into all areas of life. For example if John Q. Public’s all over America are forced into Obamacare then I will expect all members of the government at every level and branch to also be enrolled unwillingly into Obamacare with zero exceptions. If some immigrants came to this country by following the procedures dictated by our laws then all prospective immigrants should be required to follow that procedure with zero exceptions !!!  If the average American is required to show a long form birth certificate for his child to play ball than all prospective candidates should be required to do the same before they are even allowed to get a nomination or secure certain positions within our government that require proof of Natural Born Citizen status.

   3.  “   A New War On Drugs “

      While I’m not ready to concede defeat in the current War On Drugs I am referring to a new and different  ” War On Drugs ” It’s way past time to ban or at the very least severely regulate prescription psychotropic drugs. The days of drugging people with mental health issues into quiet submission should end. I think there is plenty of evidence to prove that this is a counter – productive policy. Too many of these highly drugged folks with legitimate mental health problems are ticking time bombs. They are disasters waiting to happen. I further propose that mental health be funded at least as well as President Obama’s Brownshirt Youth Corps. Which group would you prefer your tax dollars fund? If we don’t have the money to do this then I propose that a Congress that has no compunctions about stripping my rights should have no compunction about declaring a National Emergency and forcing Psychiatrists and other mental health workers to care for these folks pro bono for 10 – 12 hours a week. I quite frankly do not care if this is a violation of Psychiatrists and mental health workers rights there  is a higher priority involved here. Our children are far more important than  any shrink’s financial well being. It’s time to get at the real root causes of mental illness.

  4. ” Enforce The Incitement To Violence Laws “

      I’m old enough to remember the days when if you incited anyone to violence against anyone you would get a knock on your door by the local constabulary and you would be warned — once!!  I think it’s time to get back to that policy. The next time anybody calls for murdering the President of the N.R.A. as happened three or four times this past week  they should receive that knock and warning posthaste. The second time they do it they should be seeing nothing but striped sunlight for a few years. The next time The Black Panthers make comments about ” killing Cracker babies ” they should receive that knock and warning. The next time some Liberal commentator makes a comment about killing Rush Limbaugh they should receive that knock. The next time The Gay Militant Terrorist Rabble And Their Enabling Hordes attack a church they should receive that knock. I think you get my drift. If we can use these sorts of laws to take down The Aryan Nation then we can use them to take down the people and groups on the other side of the political aisle that advocate for violence against their opponents.

5.  ” Put God Back In The Schools “

 In spite of what The Usurper In Chief says we are a Christian nation founded on Christian principles. Christianity is all American’s heritage even non Christians. Quite frankly non Christians should thank the founders daily for their foresight in seeing to it that American become a tolerant nation where everybody could worship as they choose freely. If they choose to get offended that those of us whose ancestors actually founded the country insist on our heritage being the preeminent one in American society I really don’t give a damn. The train , boat , bus or plane that brought them here can bring them back to their native lands.  I think the evidence that Godly societies have far fewer of these incidents becomes more clear with every new tragedy of this sort.

   There you have it Ladies and Gentlemen my five point plan for drastically reducing these incidents. I invite your comments.

Paul Stanner

Payback 2012 Is Gonna Be A BITCH Wing Fu : ” Thanksgiving ” Ch1.

Payback 2012 Is Gonna Be A BITCH Wing Fu : ” Thanksgiving ” Ch 1

Dear Readers :

     My favorite time of the year has come again. It’s Final Exam time in China. Wing Fu is shitting her drawers. Torturing my students is such delicious fun. You can run Wing Fu but you can’t hide from your American teacher. Payback is gonna be a BITCH Wing Fu. Brought to you from The People’s Republic Of China by your good friends at Laughing Commie Productions

Below are my student’s final exam topics and instructions. The videos of their performances are at the bottom of the article. Laughing Commie Productions hopes you enjoy the show.

Dear Students :

 

   Please be advised that your final exam will take place on the last two weeks of the semester. The topic is ” Thank You “. The instructions are below.

 

  This week in America we will be celebrating Thanksgiving. One of the customs of this holiday is for every member of the family to stand at the dinner table before eating dinner and tell all the other members what they are thankful for over the course of the previous year. This will be your assignment for your final exam. The instructions are below.

 

   You will tell your classmates about any contribution made by a ” lao wai ” { foreigner }  to China that you wish and you will thank that ” lao wai ” for his / her help. You will also watch one of the movies I’ve listed below and tell your classmates why these men’s contributions to the world were important to China and thank them for their sacrifices. If you choose to thank the contributions of the men in the movies only that will be fine. If you choose to thank the contributions of the men in the movies AND  a ” lao wai ” that you know of who made a great contribution to China that will be fine also.

 

   Pearl Harbor

 

   Saving Private Ryan

 

  Code Talkers

 

  The Telemark Raid

 

  The Flying Tigers

 

Nanjing

 

A little friendly advice here students. BEFORE you go around demanding apologies from people that you think did something to you it would be a good idea to thank the people that did something for you. It won’t be too much longer before they all pass into eternity. Once that happens you will not have a chance to say thank you personally to them. When  you get older you will regret that you didn’t seize the opportunity when you had it.

 

  I look forward to your presentations.

Allen

When They Came — !!

                                           

           When They Came — !!                  

When they came for the trade unionists I did nothing because I wasn’t a trade unionist.

When they came for the Gypsies I did nothing because I wasn’t a Gypsie.

When they came for the handicapped I did nothing because I was not handicapped.

When they came for the mentally ill I did nothing because I wasn’t mentally ill.

When they came for the Catholics I did nothing because I was not a Catholic.

When they came for the Constitutionalists I did nothing because I was not a Constitutionalist.

When they came for the veterans I did nothing because I was not a veteran.

When they came for the homeschoolers I did nothing because I was not a homeschooler.

When they came for the Jews I did nothing because I was not a Jew.

When they came for the TEA Party Patriots I did nothing because I was not a Tea Party Patriot.

When they came for the homosexuals I did nothing because I was not a homosexual.

When they came for the Liberals I did nothing because Liberals are too stupid to live. They got exactly what they deserved. It’s been six months now since that day and the world is a livable place again.

Your day is coming Liberals !!!

China Through D.D.’s Lens – Shenyang : China Has Hope.

Dear Friends :

This is D.D. speaking. Recently while in Shenyang , Liaoning Province , China on vacation I visited The Botanical Gardens where I happened to stumble upon the nice folks you see in the pics and vids below. They are a group of Chinese Christians on holiday in Shenyang. When they found out that I was an American Christian they regaled me with an a capella version of the Chinese Christian Hymn ” China Has Hope “. What a joy it was to listen to them and speak with them even though our time together was all to brief. China does indeed have hope thanks to folks like this.

I hope you enjoy the performance. To learn more about Christians in China click here.

Stay tuned folks there will be more , much more , coming about my trip to Shenyang.

China Has Hope from Lynne Slanner on Vimeo.

Who Says We Live In A Graceless Age ?




                                           Dear Friends                                                              

This is S.T. speaking. Assuming that you are of an Advanced Chronological state as am I or that you are a young person with class and taste who is concerned about the cultural rot infecting America as most of your elders are you probably believe as I and they do that we are currently living in a Graceless Age. I have good news for you though. Not everybody has succumbed to that insidious Hollywood influence.

Recently while on vacation in Shenyang , Liaoning Province , China I visited Beiling Park and stumbled upon the folks you see in the pics and vids below engaging in some truly classy culture. I hope you enjoy watching them being blissfully unaware of Hollywood. As for me I'll take Glenn Miller and Frank Sinatra over Kanye West EVERY time. Hell even the Rockers Of The 60's weren't stupid enough to partake in The Culture Of Death.

Stay tuned folks there will be more , much more , of my Shenyang trip coming sooon.

Hollywood Knights

BULLETIN !!! BULLETIN !!!

CNBC – Cracker News Broadcasting Corp. – The OTHER CNBC

Dateline : Hollywood , Ca. June 26 , 2012

CNBC has a scoop from the world of entertainment for you today Ladies and Gentleman. Earlier today Mr. Paul Stanner the C.E.O. and Chief Cook And Bottle Washer of Cracker News Broadcasting Corp. — The Oher CNBC announced that CNBC would be offering adult entertainment effective immediately. CNBC’s adult fare will be produced in conjunction with Buck Nekked Productions which is owned by adult film star John Henry “  Buck ” Nekked and his stunningly beautiful , bisexual and sizzling hot wife Holly ” The Electric Rose ” Hanson star of the adult film classics ” The Stairway To Heaven Hotel ” and ” Tex Likes Pie Too ” . CNBC , judging by Holly’s photo below is absolutley certain that ” Hollywood Knights ” is going to be a smash it. Yes yes I know that was an editorial comment. You really do not need to remind me every single time !!

The first offering of adult fare on CNBC will be a xxx rated talk show titled ” Hollywood Knights “  hosted by ” The Electric Rose ” herself.

Stay tuned folks this is going to get very interesting. Oh boy lots and lots of nekked Cracker women !!! Yes yes I know that was an editorial comment.

Reporting for CNBC from ” Tinsel Town ” Ca.  Michael ” Big Mic “  Testes

Flour to the Crackers.

We SHALL bake !!!

Now go spread your crumbs around Crackers!!

P.S. : Remember Crackers to be considered Buck Nekked you must take your socks off too.

Lucidity Is THE Enemy # 4 ” The Underwear Bomber “

Tales From The Land Of Chairman Mao’s  Miracle

Lucidity Is THE Enemy # 4 ” The Underwear Bomber “ 

By Spaced Teacher

About two years ago when I was in one of my frequent ” I hate China ” moods due to Chinese stupidity I made the decision to come home. I had reached the limits of my patience with China and the Chinese. I packed all of my belongings which consisted of about ten pairs of pants and underwear , ten shirts , 2 Spring / Fall coats , 1 Winter coat , ten pair of socks  $ 1,000 worth of educational DVDs I use for my students that I bought in China , a computer printer that I bought in China , a camcorder that I bought in China , some photographic equipment that I bought in China , three pairs of shoes that I bought in China and a mobile phone that I bought in America into three medium size boxes and shipped them home via the Chinese Post Office. When shipping via the Chinese post Office everything being shipped is inspected and cleared by Chinese customs / postal officials. I was prepared to leave for home in two weeks. God had other ideas. She has a vicious sense of humor. A couple of days after I shipped my belongings home a friend called me and asked if I was indeed going home. I replied in the affirmative. He told me of a job opening at a school run by a very good friend of his and begged me to please call her and have a phone interview. Since he was a good friend I consented. The job indeed was quite a good one and offered a two year contract. Since I was quickly approaching Chronologically Advanced status which means my job prospects in America were dim at best I consented to stay. God’s vicious sense of humor stirkes again !!

Fast forward two years.

I’ve now signed my second two year contract with this school so it’s time to send my property back to China. Knowing the efficiency of the American Post Office I decide to send them back via Fed Ex. I check with Fed Ex to confirm that they can ship to China. ” No problem ” I’m assured. I pay the bill and the property is shipped. Seven days later I’m notified that the package will be at the main gate of my school the Friday of the current week. They are unable to tell me what time or even if it will be afternoon or evening. Right then I realize I’m probably in very deep shit. The Yellow Knights Of The HaNazee have my property and there doesn’t appear to be a Jardeen Rose anywhere to be found. Emperor Wo Bu Zhi Dao is going to torment me yet again I fear. Very soon afterward my fears would come to fruition. 8:00  A.M. Friday comes and I’m sitting  at the main gate  of the school in my beach chair listening to my MP 3 player and drinking my morning coffee while waiting for the Fed Ex truck. Nine hours later and still no Fed Ex truck has come. Back I go to my apartment to check with Fed Ex. ” Your package is in customs in Beijing” I’m told. ” They need further info.”  I’m instructed to have my Foreign Affairs Officer at my school confirm my identity and employment at my school and to send them a copy of my employment contract , an excruciatingly detailed list of the contents , my Expert Workers Certificate and my Passport. Note they want my actual passport not a copy. I am loathe to give them my passport for obvious reasons but there is no other option so I send the required info. Three days pass and I’m informed by my F.A.O. that they won’t release my property. Now keep in mind here that the very same government that inspects every item sent via the Chinese Post Office refuses to open these packages and inspect them to allay any fears or suspicions they may have about the contents therein. I beg , I plead earnestly all to no avail. ” Lucidity is indeed THE enemy for these people! The rules are the rules ” I’m told ” They can not even be bent never mind broken for anyone for any reason ever . ” Apparently The Yellow Knights Of The HaNazee who work in The Chinese Customs Office in Beijing are scared to death that the Meiguo Guadzi { American Devil } is an underwear bomber terrorist and if they open my package it will explode and they will be sleeping with The Ghastly Appartion  A.K.A.  Chaiman Mao . I know this is pure unadulterated bulshit. Friends in China anything can be done if you know the right people and have enough money. Unfortunatley I do  not have either of those resources. I go to my F.A.O. again and ask him to please find someone with the appropriate weight / connections to get this done. I know that somewhere in this city and probably right here at this university there is somebody that can get this done. He refuses , in all likelihood because it means  a little work for him. I press him for action and he still refuses. I shift gears hoping that I can do an end run around all of this stupidity. I ask him what is the real reason Customs won’t release my property. I’m told it’s because I’ve not been out of the country in three months so my passport lacks some needed mark and that the package is too BIG. I concede this battle. I will never concede the war. Trust me friends when I tell you that some Chinese person sooner or later is going to pay for the stupidity of The Yellow Knights Of The HaNazee. I will get the $ 8,000 back by hook or by crook. Take it to the bank!!  I will put a little chink in The Great Wall Of Chinese Stupidity !!

Four months later and my property as far as I know is still sitting in Chinese Customs in Beijing. I’m absolutley certain that relatively soon this will be delcared abandoned property and some HaNazee will come into an $ 8,000 bonanza at my expense. In the meantime I’m out $ 8,000 and absolutley no Chinese person gives a damn. China is safe for Communism. That is all that matters to them. The Meiguo Guadzi { American Devil } underwear bomber terrorist has been thwarted. Can you imagine what would have happened had any of my soiled underwear been in the package? HaNazee all over the world are shuddering at the mere thought of that prospect. God’s vicious sense of humor again??

The cherry on top of this ice cream sundae of stupidity is that the very same F.A.O. that knows all of the details of this sordid tale thusly knowing why I don’t have very many nice clothes berated me just the other day about how I dress on my own PERSONAL time.

I’m getting really tired of God’s TwISteD way of dealing with me. lol  Where are The Jardeen Roses Of Li Tan when I need them?

For any of you that would like to read more of my stories about doing business in China or dealing with the Chinese government I suggest that you click on the links below.

” If You Go Carrying Pictures Of Chairman Mao “ 1 , 2 , 3 , 4

” Lucidity Is THE Enemy  “  1 2 3

Trying To Reason With Hurricane Season

Readers please be aware that these stories of  ” Tales From The Land Of Chairman Mao’s Miracle ”  are written in two different threads. ” Spaced Teacher Battles The Yellow Knights Of The HaNazee ” are the true stories of my experiences here in The Middle Cosmos while ” The Jardeen Roses Of Li Tan” is my FICTIONAL re-write of 5,000 years of Chinese history , mythology and culture from a foreigner’s perspective.You’re probably thinking ” My God how presumptuous of him.” Trust me somebody had to do it. They’ve had 5,000 years to get the job done and they just keep screwing it up. We trust our readers to be able to distinguish between the two topic threads contained within the story. That may be a giant leap of faith on the author’s ,my ,part. I write the damn story and there are days I can’t remember which thread is which. The Middle Cosmos has a way of confusing the most rational clear thinking people. It’s part of the price you must pay for the experiences of living here. As is the case with all of humanity’s gardens there are flowers and weeds. The Chinese garden is no different in that regard , they have flowers in the form of the Jardeen Roses and Jasmine and crabgrass in the form of the HaNazee. I try to weed the crabgrass while focusing on and accentuating the Jardeen Roses and Jasmine. I have taken only the barest minimum of poetic license in an effort to make these stories more enjoyable to read for you. Trust me when I tell you it happened 99 % exactly as I tell it. All names have been fictionalized to protect the guilty from legal action be that civil or criminal and to protect the innocent from the guilty and most importantly to protect the author , yours truly , from the crabgrass in the Chinese garden. Those HaNazee can be vicious bastards!! lol The HaNazee are well known for having an aversion to the spelling and grammar challenged among us so be careful with your grammar and spelling you never know when The HaNazee Grammar Master #1 or The HaNazee Spelling Misstress # 7 are watching.

All characters , plot lines , fictional places , and anything else even remotely associated with these stories is the intellectual property of Spaced Teacher D.B.A. Bea Wildered Enterprises and may not be used without the express written consent of the aforementioned Spaced One or Bea herself.

I hope that ” Spaced Teacher’s Adventures In The Middle Cosmos ” will soon become an epic novel of adventure and conquest. If you are or know a literary agent that would be interested in publishing this please have him contact Bea. He / she can just leave a comment about one of the blog posts and Bea will see it and reply . Bea is not Lucidly Challenged ALL the time !!!

Laughing Commie Productions Presents : If You Could Read My Mind { Ch. 1 + 2 }

Laughing Commie Productions

{ Yet another thread of “Tales From The Land Of Chairman Mao’s Miracle” }

Dear Friends :

Laughing Commie Productions , a subsidiary of Bea Wildered Enterprises , in conjunction with Queen Yes Dear Productions and The Chinese Educational Broadcasting System is pleased to present another episode of ” Spaced Teacher’s Classroom “. In this episode our intrepid American Hero , Spaced Teacher , assigns his class to produce an original skit. This episode is entitled ” If You Could Read My Mind” and is based upon the song  of the same title by the great Canadian troubadour Gordon Lightfoot. The Chinese love a good love story.

Directed by : The Great Spielberg Chan

Produced By : Queen Yes Dear

Videography by : Spaced Teacher

Written by and starring Spaced Teacher’s students.

A supporting cast of a few courageous students.

We hope you enjoy the show.

Please remember to support your local Troupe Of Laughing Commies.

The Kracker Barrel Awards : The Tale Of Trayvon

Dear Readers :

While the management of The C.I.A. { Crackers In Action } believes that the fact that Mr. Paul Stanner is the most muti - talented Kracker in the Krackerverse is eminently obvious we do recognize that he is not the only talented Kracker in the Krackerverse so consequently we will feature what we feel are deserving efforts by our Kracker Brethern and Sisthren whenever their efforts strike us as worthy of a little recognition. The only reward these Krackers will get from this is a Cracker Salute and what little recognition exposure on this site brings. Hey hey Krackers I don’t want to hear your pissing and moaning we are living on Kracker Krumbs here !! Take the recognition such as it is and be happy.

Today we bring you a charming little ditty by a gentleman named Ratoo , ” The Tale Of Trayvon ”. This contribution came to us via a comment on Paul Stanner’s article “ Another Trayvonning : Provo , Utah ” We think you’d all agree that Mr. Ratoo is a TwIStEd Kracker indeed and will fit in very nicely here.

The Tale Of Trayvon

By Ratoo

(to Funky Rap Beat)

Here is the Tale of Tough guy Trayvon

Thought he was gangster, but now he is gone

Someone Trayvoned his ass

Someone Trayvoned his ass

Drug dealing, watch stealing

Crime is what he did

Creepin round in the dark,

With tools and loot hid

Went to the store to buy Skittles and Tea

So if he was caught, he’d have de-ni-abil-ity

Jumping over fences, walking through the hood

Looking into windows, up to no good

(very brief silent pause)

Who will Trayvon his ass?

Who will Trayvon his ass?

Casing out a house, he met a guy named Zimmer-MAN

Thought he was a honky, but he were a badass Mexi-CAN

Trayvon talking tough, threw a couple blows,

Knocked him to the ground, broke his freakin nose.

Grabbed him by the head, pounding into the ground

Zimmer-MAN made his move, then there was a sound

(very brief silent pause)

He Trayvoned his ass

He Trayvoned his ass

　

Take then this lesson, learn it if you can

Do not mess around, with a badass Mexi-CAN

A badass Mexi-CAN

(very brief silent pause)

He will Trayvon your ass

He will Trayvon your ass

Final verse, spoken:

Run away punk: don’t make me Trayvon your ass.

Copyright

All Rights Reserved

Equalizer Group, Inc., et al

The Blue Dress Chronicles { April 17 , 2012 }

Cracker Nation Broadcasting Corp. the OTHER CNBC is proud to announce a new program to our lineup. ” The Blue Dress Chronicles “

From time to time we will put the spotlight on our government officials as they do what they do best. The Blue Dress Chronicles is sponsored by “The Anne Fanner Show “ The National Dry Cleaners Association and Victoria’s Secret and hosted by Anne Fanner herself. Our winner will receive a $500 blue evening gown of his / her choice a gift certificate for $500.00 worth of dry cleaning and a $ 5000 shopping spree at Victoria Secret.

I hope The Banking Queen wins !! What a Kodak moment it would be to see him in that blue evening gown. Yes yes I know that was an editorial comment. lol

Today’s nominees come to us from Washington D.C. and Cartagena , Columbia. Yes yes I said nominees.  We are honoring a group today. It seems like just yesterday that all the Liberals were saying ” It was JUST a blow job !! What’s all the fuss ? ” Let a couple of Secret Service guys get their hedges trimmed by a paid professional whore though and all of a sudden we need a Congressional investigation. My God you’d think they propositioned an intern or some such similar egregious offense . To see the evidence in support of the fun loving Protectors Of  POTUS nomination click here please.

  You’ve done Bubba proud guys. Keep it up !!! Pun intended . lol

 That will conclude this evening’s program. See you next time.

Anne.

Flour to the people !! We SHALL bake !!

Now go spread your crumbs around Crackers !!!