Carved In Stone !! HaNazee Style !!


Spaced Teacher’s Adventures In The Middle Cosmos


This Lady is a ” Sister Of The Jardeen Rose.”

The Sisters Of The Jardeen Rose ” are the sworn enemies of the HaNazee

The Ten Commandments Of The HaNazee Faith

By Spaced Teacher

Dear Readers :

Today I will discuss the history and reasoning behind The Ten Commandments Of The HaNazee Faith.

1. Always obfuscate , delay , intimidate and generally frustrate the  ” lao wai”{ foreigners} in all dealings.

This Commandment originates as all of them do from the time of the first HaNazee Emperor,Wo Bu Zhi Dao.The reasoning was that since at that time there were about 400 “lao wai” in the land of the HaNazee and the Emperor knew of their strength power and intelligence he was very fearful of  them. He thought that those 400 might take over his kingdom. He also suspected that they were followers of that infernal ” lao wai” God known to the HaNazees,as Sheng Di.The best defense he could devise with the limited resources at his disposal at the time was to confuse and frustrate the ” lao wai”. Don’t laugh this strategy has worked generally well  for 5,000 years. It has survived the ages and is still a part of HaNazee tactics when dealing either with individual lao wai or with lao wai countries.



2. Think rationally 20% of the time.

Now to the ” lao wai” mind this seems to be in contravention of Commandment #1. Quite to the contrary. It’s actually in conjunction with Commandment # 1. Consider it carefully Pilgrim. If you are a ” lao wai”{ foreigner} who is used to dealing with unvarnished stupidity and then suddenly you get rational lucid thought and efficient and polite service wouldn’t it confuse you at least in the short term?


Never hire or promote anybody , especially a woman , based upon merit.



Since that infernal lao wai God Sheng Di was a female personae Emperor Wo Bu Zhi Dao had an inherent hatred of women. This Commandment evolves from his misogyny. He viewed all gyno – HaNazee as demons and evil spirts. HaNazee men are firm believers in this attitude. Surprisingly many HaNazee women are also.It also is related to other Commandments which we will deal with in due course.

Always sow the Seeds of Ignorance and Chaos. I will discuss this in great detail in the upcoming Episodes ” HaNazee Mythology For Dummies” and ” The Tribe Of The 57 th Flower”






Always kill or imprison ” The Sisters Of The Jardeen Rose” whenever they are confronted. I will also discuss this in great length in the chapters I mentioned in the preceding Commandment.


Never educate your people. Always rely on  a juvenile style of nationalistic indoctrination to maintain control of your populace.


Educated people are troublesome and a threat to ” Social Stability”. Indoctrinated people will do anything or hurt anybody for any reason as long as they are told by their HaNazee leaders that their actions are good for the Glorious HaNazee  Motherland. Now to the Western mind this seem so stupid as to be dismissed out of hand but believe me the HaNazee ” common folks” fall for this stupidity every time. This strategy is very effective. I can assure you Emperor Wo Bu Zhi Dao knew his people well.

NEVER show drive ambition or creative thought.

The typical HaNazee solution. lol

If you do this somebody might actually expect something of you. Or worse yet your HaNazee boss will think you are after his / her job.You may find your self in Columbus , Ohio U.S.A. consigned to eating Mexican food for the rest of your life very quickly.


“Plowing The Field” should take no more than eight minutes.

This Commandment is also known as ” The HaNazee Man’s Guide To Lovemaking”. Again because of Emperor Wo Bu Zhi Dao’s hatred of women they do not have any status or rights in the HaNazee social order. There is no need therefore to treat your wife as a valued partner. There is no need to please her sexually. Sex for the HaNazee male is like plowing a very small field. Get  in , do your thing , plant your seed and move on to more important things like lunch or ping pong.



 

 

Claim all lands as being HaNazee lands originally.



The HaNazee Nation has a 5,000 year history of culture and civilization. Their civilization has been around , according to them , much longer than anybody else’s therefore all lands must have been HaNazee at one time.”If we just claim it and tell the lao wai about our 5,000 year old civilization and remind them that we have 1.5. billion people we might get lucky and some of them may just kow tow without a fight.” is the thinking with regard to this Commandment. It’s worth a shot from their perspective I guess.


Point the “HaNazee Finger Of Shame” at as many lao wai and lao wai countires as possible.

The reasoning for this Commandment is simple. A good offense is the best defense. Emperor Wo Bu Zhi Dao was paranoid , delusional and an all around general pain in the ass but he wasn’t stupid.

 

Do not let fact , well reasoned thinking and critical analysis be a deciding factor in when you point ” The HaNazee Finger Of Shame” or which lao wai or lao wai country you point it at.Most importantly do not worry about the consequences of your actions. In most cases there will be none since most lao wai do not give a damn about anything the HaNazees have to say. If somebody gets hurt well it’s o.k. because it was all for the Glorious HaNazee Motherland.

Nothing or nobody in all of HaNazeeland may move faster than” The Napping Panda Of Sichuan”.


There will be much more on this in upcoming chapters. For now I’ll just tell you that Emepror Wo Bu Zhi Dao was deathly afraid that if his people became too ambitious  , efficient and educated they would revolt and toss him and his cronies out of the Palace.He would then need to get the one thing that all HaNazees , especially the men,fear the most. A real job!!!In the dreaded private sector !!!He wasn’t about to let that happen!!

Never fight a lao wai fairly. Always be part of a mob when fighting a lao wai.

If you fight a lao wai fairly and lose which is highly likely, it’s bad P.R. for The Glorious HaNazee Motherland. If however you fight as a mob and 60 of you defeat 3 lao wai that can always be “spun” by the HaNazee Propaganda Apparatus as an overwhelming victory for The Glorious HaNazee Nation.If you do not believe this just ask the S. Koreans they have intimate knowledge of the HaNazee mob mentality. They also know how to deal with it very effectively.





Thou shalt have no God or leader more revered than Emperor Wo BuZhi Dao.

This man was demonically brilliant!!! To this day he is a constant pain in the ass to the civilized world.


Always spend 8 Kwai and ride the bus across town for two hours to save 5 jiao {.5Kwai} on eggs.

I don’t know the reason for this one. I’ve seen many HaNazees do it though. I’ve even asked some of my HaNazee acquaintances about it. All they can or will tell me is that it is one of The Commandments but they don’t know the reasoning. I have no idea if they are telling me the truth or not. I wouldn’t be surprised either way. I think this might relate to Commandments 1 and 2.

Always mock and belittle the handicapped especially the lysdexic.

This is exactly the type of ignorant attitude the HaNazee have towards the handicapped

The handicapped and other physically and mentally challenged people are viewed as a shame upon the family and nation in HaNazee culture. They are incredibly cruel people in this regard. I don’t know what their particular problem with lysdexia is. One of the mysteries of life I guess.

Promote soy food products in all lao wai lands.

The HaNazee have known for thousands of years that soy causes the feminization of men.They figure that if they can turn all lao wai men into women then when war comes the lao wai will be easier to defeat.Obviously the Emperor didn’t know about our Amazon Battalions who are at their fiercest when their friend comes to pay a visit.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


 

 

 

Be a good speller

Spelling Master # 1 where are you. We have a spelling offender for   you to deal with.

They think this impresses the lao wai. I can assure you that it doesn’t. As usual with the HaNazees it’s all stile and no substance.Where is The Spelling Mistress # 1? We have a level 6 Spelling Offender that need re-education.


Always maintain good relations with the lao wai / foreign nation of Carrefours. { France }


I guess it’s not surprising that two nations that haven’t won a war in hundreds of years would form a natural kinship.A sort of ” Alliance Of Losers” as it were.



Always keep your head firmly tucked up your ass!!!

This goes back to that eternal fuckwit Emperor Wo Bu Zhi Dao’s worldview yet again. The deluded Emperor firmly believed that all lao wai nations were evil. He didn’t want any of his people being infected with their ideas such as human rights , Democracy , proper sanitation , Western plumbing , Kentucky Fried Chicken , Rock n Roll Music , a work ethic , morals etc etc. He was especially fearful of them knowing the truth of that infernal meddling troublesome lao wai God Sheng Di. His remedy for this problem was that his people should be commanded to have a world view that is rooted in keeping your head firmly tucked up your ass. To this day HaNazees don’t believe there is any nation other than The Glorious HaNazee Empire. Emperor Wo Bu Zhi Dao and his people are a pimple on the asshole of progress. These folks suffer from terminal fecal occulus A.K.A. shitty outlook. They are mentally constipated.


I hope this explanation of The Ten Commandments Of The HaNazee
” Faith” improved your understanding of the HaNazee culture and the psyche of the HaNazee mind. I don’t know about you but I’m not at all surprised that their cats are the only ones that understand them.

HaNazee cats must be very intelligent. LoL

We shall speak again soon Pilgrim.May the Grace of Li Tan be upon you.


Until then

Zai jian  / goodbye

Mystery Girl 

“The Adventures Of Spaced Teacher In The Middle Cosmos { China }” are a collection of short stories based upon my actual experiences.They are written from the point of view of an American ” lao wai” { foreigner}. As is the case with all of humanity’s gardens there are flowers AND weeds.The Chinese garden is no different in that regard , they have flowers in the form of the Jardeen Roses and Jasmine and crabgrass in the form of the HaNazees. I try to weed the crabgrass while focusing on and accentuating the Jardeen Rose and Jasmine .

I have taken only the barest minimum of poetic license in an effort to make these stories more enjoyable to read for you. Trust me when I tell you it happened 99 % exactly as I tell it. All names have been fictionalized to protect the guilty from legal action be that civil or criminal and to protect the innocent from the guilty and most importantly to protect the author , yours truly , from the crabgrass in the Chinese garden. Those HaNazee can be vicious bastards!! lol

The HaNazee are well known for having an aversion to the spelling and grammar challenged among us. These guys are in the employ of the HaNazee.

All characters , plot lines , fictional places , and anything else even remotely associated with these stories is the intellectual property of Spaced Teacher D.B.A. Bea Wildered Enterprises and may not be used without the express written consent of the aforementioned Spaced one or Bea herself.

The Stairway To Heaven Hotel


The Sweet Satanic Romance Of Laura ” Sweet Pie ” Stettler And Holly ” The Electric Rose ” Hanson { And Maybe ” The Texas Tornado”}

 

Ch. 2

The Stairway To Heaven Hotel

OR

Devil Or Angel

Holly had felt the sparks also so I guess it was no great surprise to anyone that these two Satanically Romantic Ladies were destined to get together. ” The Electric Rose ” was the one that seized the moment and invited ” Sweet Pie ” to dinner at a very chic Italian restaurant. Everything was perfect. The food,the wine,the ambience , sparkling engaging conversation and a beautiful sexy lady.What more could a healthy young Satanically Romantic young woman ask of life? ” The Electric Rose ” certainly knows how to show a stranger her town. ” Sweet Pie’s heart was pounding a mile a minute with anticipation. Little did she know what ” The Electric Rose ” had planned for her , this was just the prelude. The real fun was to begin at another venue.
Holly paid the check and leaned over and whispered seductively in Laura’s ear ” would you like to visit Heaven.” Laura damn near fell off her chair she was so excited. They arrived at The Stairway To Heaven Hotel at about 9:30 P.M. Holly arranged for some refreshment to be sent to the room and then she thanked and tipped the bell boy. The lock clicked and then she sprang into action. She ripped Laura’s clothes off and threw her on the bed. She slowly and sensuosly set up the DVD equipment. Laura was quite nervous about doing anything on camera.What if her mama saw this video? What if she her strap broke ? She was a bundle of nerves, excitement and wild anticipation. Holly gave her just enough of a peek to keep her interested and then she said to her “Excuse me .I’ll go “freshen up” a bit. Enjoy the wine.” She came back in about ten minutes in her policewoman uniform looking all sexy and authoritative. She walked over to Laura slowly and put her under arrest. Laura was laying on the bed stark naked ,handcuffed to the bedposts eagerly wondering what was going to happen next.It wasn’t long before she found out. Holly walked over and gave her a long passionate kiss , laid a blue rose on her chest , put a DVD of “Charlie’s Angel’s” on the DVD player in repeat mode and left. All night long “Charlie’s Angel’s played.It was TORTURE!! The woman may be sexy and beautiful but I can assure you she is DEFINITELY Satanic!! I don’t think Laura will ever be able to have another sexual fantasy about a policewoman!!

At 9:00 A.M. Lupita came into the room.Well needless to say she was a bit shocked!! Fortunately the Gods smiled upon Laura because Lupita had four things she needed. A sense of humor , bolt cutters , a sexy body and personna and a fifteen minute break.I know,I know I thought it was a bit weird that a maid would have bolt cutters too. I guess this sort of thing happens frequently at The Stairway To Heaven Hotel.Lupita had her way with Laaura and then set her free. As Laura was walking out heading towards Holly’s Lupita thanked her  “Gracias Mi loco poco Fascist. Come again.”

The Stairway To Heaven, Holly’s house.

Laura left the hotel a happy woman. She also had new found respect for “Domestic Goddesses” and Policewomen. Thank you ‘Pita and Holly{My Rose} she whispered as she left singing ” Devil or Angel “.

Devil or angel, I can’t make up my mind
Which one you are I’d like to wake up and find
Devil or angel dear, whichever you are
I miss you, I miss you, I mi-i-iss you

Devil or angel please say you’ll be mi-i-ine
Love me or leave me, I’ll go out of my mind
Devil or angel dear, whichever you are
I need you, I need you, I need you

You look like an angel
Your smile is divine
But you keep me guessin’
Will you ever be mine?

Devil or angel please say you’ll be mi-i-ine
Love me or leave, I’ve made up my mind
Devil or angel dear, whichever you are
I love you, I love you, I-I lo-o-ove you

Devil or angel please say you’ll be mi-i-ine
Love me or leave, I’ve made up my mind
Devil or angel dear, whichever you are
I love you, I love you, I love you

 

If you don’t believe this story just go down to The Hideaway Lounge and ask for “Sweet Pie” or “The Electric Rose” and judge for your self how Satanic they are . Are they Devil or Angel? That is a question you must ask yourself BEFORE you get too involved. A word of caution though. Be careful or you might end up at The Stairway To Heaven Hotel. Who knows what she might have planned for you. Only The Satanically Romantic ladies themselves know for sure.{Well MAYBE “The Texas Tornado” might have a clue.}Devil or Angel? Who knows for sure?

” The Texas Tornado “

Have fun!!

By Spaced Teacher

P.S. ‘Pita if you have any photos ” Sweet Pie” will pay handsomely for them. She’ll call you Mi Sucre Nina.

The Rodeo Drive of Harbin , Heilongjiang Province , P.R.C. { China }


This is a slide show of the premier shooping district in Harbin. I wonder what Chairman Mao would say about this? lol

The Russians Are Coming !!! The Russians Are Coming !!!


D.D. Lumix’s China Travel Blog

                The Russians Are Coming!! The Russians Are Coming!! { To Dinner}

By D.D. Lumix With A Little Help From Her ” Owner ” Spaced Teacher

This past Easter I had a rather profound religious experience here in Qiqihar. The Russian Orthodox Lady teachers at my university invited me to join them for Easter dinner. They took me to a very nice restaurant in downtown Qiqihar. The restaurant they chose was a bit of an upscale establishment. The ambience and food was wonderful. The service was excellent. Still there was something amiss. I noticed it immediately . Why all the Crescent Moon decorations? Why were the menus written in Arabic? Apparently the ladies did not . lol

Let’s just say that Easter dinner in a Muslim restaurant was an interesting experience. LoL It was such delicious irony. The dessert of this irony was that it was apparently totally lost on the Russian ladies.
I love Russian women.

GOD bless Mother Russia!!!

This doesn’t look like Brussells !

Sheoda {Japan } John { America } Doosik { S. Korea } The two Chinese people are the restaraunt owners.

“The Adventures Of Spacedteacher In The Middle Cosmos { China }” are a collection of short stories based upon my actual experiences.They are written from the point of view of an American ” lao wai” { foreigner}. As is the case with all of humanity’s gardens there are flowers AND weeds.The Chinese garden is no different in that regard , they have flowers in the form of the Jardeen Roses and Jasmine and crabgrass in the form of the HaNazees. I try to weed the crabgrass while focusing on and accentuating the Jardeen Rose and Jasmine .

I have taken only the barest minimum of poetic license in an effort to make these stories more enjoyable to read for you. Trust me when I tell you it happened 99 % exactly as I tell it. All names have been fictionalized to protect the guilty from legal action be that civil or criminal and to protect the innocent from the guilty and most importantly to protect the author , yours truly , from the crabgrass in the Chinese garden. Those HaNazee can be vicious bastards!! lol

All characters , plot lines , fictional places , and anything else even remotely associated with these stories is the intellectual property of Spaced Teacher D.B.A. Bea Wildered Enterprises and may not be used without the express written consent of the aforementioned Spaced one or Bea herself.

Spielberg Chan And The Empress’s Wedding


Spaced Teacher’s Adventures In The Middle Cosmos                    

By Spaced Teacher

                                          

Dalian is a beautiful coastal city Liaoning Province. Due to it’s magnificent natural beauty and sophisticated life style it’s fast becoming a haven for ” lao wai ” / foreigners. There is also an abundance of feminine beauty.

Probably because of these factors and the fact that the Chinese have a naturally dramatic sense of  style Dalian attracts a lot of creative Chinese folks seeking careers in  the movie / tv and photographic fields as well as tourists who appreciate beauty of all types..

  Last October on the National Day { Independence Day } break I had seven days off and was looking for a quickie vacation where I could just chill out and relax for a bit. Since I had been hearing a lot of good reports about Dalian and since it was only a 2 hour plane ride away I booked  a vacation. I was not going to be disappointed. I had a very fun adventure which I’m now going to tell you about.   Ringing Dalian are two coastal roads running in East and West directions. One of them is about 36 KM long. The other is about 20 km. Both of them go over the mountains that come right to the ocean’s edge. It’s a great place to go hiking and that’s exactly what I did. Off I went with my camera , camcorder and a days supplies of munchies and drinks and some warm clothes in case I got stranded. It can get a bit cool at night. Along one of these roads is a Medieval English looking castle. It is so out of place architecturally in China that your eye can’t help but gravitate to it. Since this whole road is breathtakingly romantic there are also lots of very high priced hotels.There is this one very expensive hotel that sits right in the shadow of the castle. It’s a very popular place for weddings and wedding photographs.Bear in mind that because of the one child policy in China if you have money it is a great status symbol to be able to give your son or daughter a wedding in one of these hotels.The Little Emperor / Empress syndrome if you will .Nothing but the best will do. If you can afford the best then  you MUST have the best. The neighbors will be green with envy don’t you know. I just happened to be passing by one night and ran into one of these celebrations. I didn’t know it at the time but the GREAT Spielberg Chan was the photographer of this event. I figured since it was a public place I had every right to poach a few photographs . I was not obtrusive at all with one little exception that I asked permission for . The bride was gracious enough to consent to my request. Spielberg Chan being a contentious artiste was not happy with me. Spielberg Chan’s displeasure with me considering who and what he is was of little concern to me. I decided to watch a bit. Spielberg went into his schtick.

  He turned her head this way and that , he straightened her dress , he adjusted her corsage , he had the technicians moving the equipment  , adjusting the light meters , he fixed the grooms tie , he posed the bride  this way and that , he posed the groom this way and that , he posed the bride and groom together this way and that. On and on this went for 30 minutes. It wasn’t hard to tell that everybody was getting highly agitated with Spielberg Chan including me. Now you all know how highly entertaining and creative Americans can be when they are pointlessly agitated. If you’re going to have a video / photo shoot in a public place and tie up the streets and access to the shops at least be quick about it and entertain the local folks while you’re at it. I was plotting my revenge. Finally it was time to shoot the video. Spielberg starting shooting and so did my camcorder. As I said earlier it was a public place. Nothing wrong with poaching some photos and  video. It was time for D.D. Lumix and her cousin Cam Corder to make an appearance.lol Spielberg didn’t notice that I was taking photos probably because I was standing a bit far away. That was not acceptable so I moved closer, much closer , and took out Cam. I had his attention now. He saw Cam’s light go on. Cut!!! he waited 5 minutes and tried again.  He said action , on went my camcorder. CUT!! This little game went on for about 10 -12 sequences or about 30 minutes. Finally when I could see that Spielberg Chan was sufficiently agitated I left him to his own devices.As I walked away I could hear and see Spielberg Chan’s crew chuckling. Apparently the American was more entertaining than the great Spielberg Chan was.

  I realize that artistes have a contentious nature but the Chinese artiste , probably because of his naturally meticulous Chinese nature , is a major pain in the ass. Spielberg Chan certainly deserved a gold star in that category. Somebody needs to tell them that they are not ALL the next John Woo!! lol

The English Castle you saw in the photo above is actually a sea shell museum. It was in the shadow of this castle that Spielberg Chan and I had our little battle.

The slide show below is of the Dalian Coastal Road where these types of wedding shoots are constantly taking place. It is a very romantic area. Spielberg Chan has good taste that way. lol

Annie Oakley Conquers HaNazeeland OR The Harmonious Society Restored


Spacedteacher’s Adventure’s In The Middle Cosmos


This Lady is a ” Sister Of The Jardeen Rose.”


The ” Sisters Of The Jardeen Rose ” are the sworn enemies of the HaNazees


Annie Oakley Conquers HaNazeeland

or

The Harmonious Society Restored

By Spacedteacher


The plot was conceived in the Spring of 1993. It will come to fruition soon!! Much sooner than my HaNazee pengyou / friends would believe possible. Your days are numbered Comrades!!!

The first step was to infiltrate various environmental and animal rights groups. They wanted to slowly, silently and efficiently destabilize the HaNazee traditional medicine market by lawfully regulating the flow of such necessary products as rhino horns , bear gall bladders , and tiger penises. This tactic was designed as a ruse to divert the HaNazee government’s attention from the real plot.A secondary reasoning for this tactic was to confuse the populace. It worked like a charm. For 15 years the HaNazee government spent enormous amounts of funds , effort and time fighting this  problem.The HaNazee populace walked around vacantly for 15 years stammering wo bu ming bai / I don’t understand. While this was all going on they launched the next phase of their plan. They planted the invasion cells under the guise of being lao wai { foreign }teachers at HaNazee universities. For fifteen years they equipped and trained their ” Blue Boys ” Commandos.And now the time has drawn near. Soon very soon the plot will come to fruition.

To a HaNazee restaurant near you.

Operation ” Restore The Harmonious Society ” mission briefing.

 

We will attack at lunch time. Squadrons of specially trained and highly skilled vicious American Cub Scouts will quietly descend upon every restaurant in HaNazeeland.These Cub Scouts affectionately and reverently

HaNazees !!! locked and loaded!!

known by the American people as “Blue Boys” are under the Command of Den Mother Annie Oakley The Fourth.

Air and tactical support will be provided by The Japanese Defense Ministry with assistance from The Taiwan Defense Forces.The French of course will provide absolutely no help. By the time the HaNazees are finished with their dofu and chicken feet entrees followed by baiju chasers there will be NEW leadership in HaNazeeland. Gan bei Comrades. Hao che ma?

Gan bei / Cheers !!!

The HaNazees say they are Communists but when it comes right down to it they are capitalists. lol

 

Should the HaNazee government or populace put up any resistance they will be sent to re-education camps immediately. These camps will be located at Carrefours Markets all over Hanazeeland and Tibet and will be supervised by The Dalai Lama. They will be taught the joys of French wine and brie , Italian pasta and pastries ,German streudel and sausage, Japanese sushi , Korean kimchee and Tibetan yak butter while listening to British broadcasts of the B.B.C.News and Enoch Powell speeches.

The ” wolf in monk’s clothing ” lol

BE WARNED !!! YOU WILL ASSIMILATE!! RESISTANCE IS FUTILE!!!smile_angry

Nimen  you mei wen ti./ You have no problem. Den Mother Annie Oakley The Fourth will be the new Provisional Military Leader of HaNazeeland. Do Not worry!! You will like her. Her chocolate chip cookies keep the whole neighborhood happy. And they will keep you wired!!After 6 months there will be an election in which all HaNazee citizens will be allowed to vote for their new foreign leader.I hope you will all participate.


Now I would like to take a moment to wish the “Blue Boys” and Den

Mother Annie Oakley The Fourth and our Japanese and Taiwanese friends good luck. Ladies and Gentlemen I know you’ll make us proud. A side word to our French allies. Continue practicing your surrender.

Welcome to The New New HaNazeeland. Conquered in 2 hours by a few squadrons of American Cub Scouts. Glory to the Glorious New Motherland!!
Conquest by Cub Scouts, the children of your lao wai teachers and chocolate chip cookies!!

Damn that C.I.A. is GOOD.


At last HaNazeeland will have the “Joyous Harmony” they have craved for 5,000 years.

Peace and joyous harmony at last.

Under American leadership.

“The Adventures Of Spacedteacher In The Middle Cosmos { China }” are a collection of short stories based upon my actual experiences.They are written from the point of view of an American ” lao wai” { foreigner}. As is the case with all of humanity’s gardens there are flowers AND weeds.The Chinese garden is no different in that regard , they have flowers in the form of the Jardeen Roses and Jasmine and crabgrass in the form of the HaNazees. I try to weed the crabgrass while focusing on and accentuating the Jardeen Rose and Jasmine .

I have taken only the barest minimum of poetic license in an effort to make these stories more enjoyable to read for you. Trust me when I tell you it happened 99 % exactly as I tell it. All names have been fictionalized to protect the guilty from legal action be that civil or criminal and to protect the innocent from the guilty and most importantly to protect the author , yours truly , from the crabgrass in the Chinese garden. Those HaNazee can be vicious bastards!! lol

The HaNazee are well known for having an aversion to the spelling and grammar challenged among us. These guys are in the employ of the HaNazee.

All characters , plot lines , fictional places , and anything else even remotely associated with these stories is the intellectual property of Spacedteacher D.B.A. Bea Wildered Enterprises and may not be used without the express written consent of the aforementioned Spaced one or Bea herself.

Is Hell Endothermic or Exothermic ? { A Chinese Mindfuck !! }


Dear Readers :

  The paper below was an actual final exam paper submitted by a student at Washington  University , if my memory serves. The student’s answer was so profound that he got a richly deserved A + in my opinion as his grade. I damn sure would have given him an A +. Kudos to his professor for doing the same.

 

I thought it would be great fun to ask my Chinese students who’s majors were ” Teaching Chinese To Foreigners.” to grade this paper. I can’t resist Chinese mindfucking them from time to time. lol Keep in mind while you are reading this and pondering your answer to the question I’m going to ask in a moment that many of these students wanted to go to English speaking countries to teach Chinese to the natives so their command of English needed to be extremely high. To date not one single student has had the ” stones ” to even attempt to grade it. It’s been two years now. The usual reaction was that it was too difficult. That is not unusual for Chinese students. 95 % of them are intellectual and academic cowards who will NEVER rise to ANY challenge. Now for my question to you. Do you STILL think China is going to rule the world any time soon? lol

 

  

Hell Explained By A Chemistry Student.


The answer by one student was so ‘profound’ that the professor shared
it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now
have the pleasure of enjoying it as well:


Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?


Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle ‘s Law
(gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some
variant.



One student, however, wrote the following:



First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we
need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate
at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once
a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are
leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let’s look at the
different religions that exist in the world today.



Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their
religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these
religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we
can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as
they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase
exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell
because Boyle ‘s Law states that in order for the temperature and
pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand
proportionately as souls are added.



This gives two possibilities:

  1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at
    which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will
    increase until all Hell breaks loose.

  2. If Hell is
    expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the
    temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.


So which is it?


If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman
year that, ‘It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,’ and
take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then
number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and
has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since
Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more
souls and is therefore, extinct …… leaving only Heaven, thereby
proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night,
Teresa kept shouting ‘Oh my God.’



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