If You Go Carrying Pictures Of Chairman Mao # 4


 Spaced Teacher’s Adventures In The Middle Cosmos { China}

If You Go Carrying Pictures Of Chairman Mao { # 4 }

By Spaced Teacher

I’m sure that by now most of you have figured out  that these articles entitled ” If You Go Carrying Pictures Of Chairman Mao “{# s 1 , 2 , 3 and 4 } are my explanations of why I don’t think , in spite of what The Higher Minds Of Governments the world over think , that China will ever rule the world. Now I’m sure you’re asking yourselves ” Well Stanner why should we believe you and not them. ” I will answer you this way. Because I have lived in China for ten years consecutively and not in the relatively civilized and modern Chinese metropolises such as Beijing , Shanghai , Hangzhou , Guangzhou and Qingdao but rather in the Chinese hinterlands where The Higher Minds never go. I’ll let you be the judge of the accuracy of my assertion upon the completion of your reading of my articles.

The Chinese will never rule the world because they are expert at ” fouling their own nests “. Industrial pollution is rampant in China. That is to be expected in a rapidly developing industrial economy and can be dealt with. I’m speaking of a far more pernicious pollution which is rooted in the culture and psyche of the Chinese people. Sanitation is also abysmally bad in China. This problem is also rooted in Chinese culture and the Chinese psyche.

In the apartment building I currently live which is on campus there are seven floors.The first three floors have a small overhang which is not quite big enough to be considered a small patio but is big enough to put some plants on. The people that live on floors 4 – 7 seem to feel that it’s ok to throw their trash out the window onto these ledges. It does not matter to them that they are fouling the view and the aesthetic pleasantness of the people that live below them. The rubbish you see is out of THEIR view and thusly is not a problem to THEM so it is not a problem — PERIOD !! If you go to West Lake in Hangzhou which is one of the premier tourist spots  in all of China you will see Chinese people throw there trash in a symbol of their country that is world reknown. If you go to the Longman Grottoes in Luoyang which is a World Heritage Site you will see Chinese people throw their trash in and urinate in the caves that people come form all over the world to see. You will also see them wash their clothes in the Po River which divides the two sides of The Longman Grottoes. It’s THEIR country and they just don’t give a damn what the rest of the world thinks about this behavior.

The school neither cleans up the mess or discourages the behavior. The fact that us lao wai { foreigners } don’t like this behavior with good reason does not matter to them.When we inform them that this makes us really uncomfortable and ask them why they won’t do anything about we are told ” Because it is the Chinese way to behave like this. ” That my friends concludes the conversation. Now I am no shrinking violet when it comes to expressing my opinion so I will tell you that I don’t give a DAMN if it is their culture and it’s been that way for 5,000 years. It’s rude ignorant behavior that needs to stop and if it takes the lao wai to tell them so well I’m happy to oblige them. One would think that aside from this behavior being rude and ignorant the Chinese authorities could have figured out by now that this trash attracts all manner of vermin. In short it’s a health hazard. They have had 5,000 years to get it right and STILL they are apparently clueless or arrogantly indifferent. This campus also has a small but potentially beautiful pond and a small and potentially beautiful brook where lots of trees and plants grow on the banks. The same sort of behavior affects them also. It’s truly sad because absent this self inflicted pollution this could be a beautiful campus.This behavior will also take place in the classrooms. The classrooms here are disgustingly filthy and always trash strewn.

Chinese toilets in the vast majority of China are STILL of the squat variety. Picture a long trench with a series of holes dug into it. You squat down and aim as best you can. To say they are extremely uncomfortable and highly unsanitary is an understatement to the max. 95 % of the time you will not find deodorant or soap in a Chinese public toilet. Those things cost MONEY you see. Most of them will also have no curtains for the same reason. When the bathrooms are cleaned they will be cleaned with cold water and very little if any soap. Bleach apparently doesn’t exist in China. Once again those things cost MONEY. It never occurs to them that all the disease they are forced to pay to deal with costs far more than the solution to the problem would. Penny wise and pound foolish to the maximum extremes. Another example of this sort of poor sanitation habits which are rooted in culture is that Chinese people will spit anywhere at any time. They will spit on the classroom floor, they will spit on a restaurant floor, they will spit on the sidewalk directly in the middle of the sidewalk where people are walking. It’s thoroughly disgusting behavior. They will also let their children urinate or defecate on the sidewalk in broad daylight in public and walk away without even cleaning up the mess. Are you getting the picture here?

When I lived and worked in Harbin there was a restaurant right across the street from my house which specialized in donkey meat. Every morning at 5:30 A.M. they would bring in 3 – 4 donkeys and slaughter them ALIVE right there on the sidewalk. I used to wake every morning to the sound of these screaming animals as they were being slaughtered.If you went out there at that hour you could see the blood and entrails spilling out all over the sidewalk. The stench was unbelievable. This is not unusual behavior in China. Apart from being incredibly inhumane the sanitation factor alone should be enough for the authorities to stop the practice. They do nothing about it though because you see it’s The Chinese Way. It’s been that way for thousands of years. It’s part of our culture. Can you imagine this behavior being tolerated in any Western country? I can assure you that should you be unfortunate to witness this once you’ll change your attitudes about the treatment of animals. While I have not been able to break my meat eating habits entirely I can tell you that I have cut down my meat eating by about 95 % as a direct result of viewing this.

Whenever I talk about these issues with people from Western countries there will always be at least one Dumbass Multi- Culturalist China Apologist in the group who will ask me this question : ” Who are you to judge the Chinese about these things? It’s their culture and their country. ” I answer thusly ” Who do I need to be? ” I don’t give a DAMN if these sorts of behavior are parts of their culture and psyche and have been for the 5,000 year history of their civilization. All that means to me is that China has been doing it wrong for their entire history. I really don’t care that that history is 5,000 years in duration. It is the year 2011 and China is now in the Community of Nations. These sorts of behaviors need to change. If the Chinese people can’t or more likely won’t see the errors of their ways and change voluntarily and if their leaders will not force them to then I guess the job of dragging China into the 21st Century , kicking and screaming if necessary , falls to hose of us that know better. I will not shirk my responsibility to the Chinese people that do want to change in that regard. If the Chinese or Westerners that don’t like my attitude in this matter have a problem with it well I guess that is just my cross to bear. I REALLY don’t give a damn what they think about it.

Well now that you’ve read my article and viewed the pictures and slide show I have a question to ask you. Do you STILL think China will rule the world some day? I invite your comments.

The DAMN Crackers Are At It Again !!!


BREAKING NEWS !!! BREAKING NEWS !!!

Cracker News Broadcasting  Corp. – The OTHER CNBC

Dateline : Washington D.C. 0ct 9 , 2011

CNBC sources within The White House are reporting that POTUS is EXTREMELY unhappy about all the reports reaching his desk of Crackers nationwide doing what they do best . Now CNBC is certain that it is not news to those of you that are Crackers or have Cracker family and friends that Crackers nationwide are behaving in a proud , patriotic and distinctly American way. CNBC  is also certain that it is not news to you that POTUS being who and what he is would find such behavior extremely distastefull and take all steps necessary to demonize and deligetimize these Crackers with all due haste. Look for these Crackers  to be added to the terrorist watch list by ” BIG Sis ” forthwith.

As for what exactly these Crackers have done CNBC believes that one picture is worth a thousand words. Everything you need  to know is in the picture below.

These Crackers have been raising Cain all over the country !!

Reporting from Washington , D.C. for CNBC Graham T. Wheat

Flour to the Crackers !! We SHALL bake !!

Now go spread your crumbs around Crackers !!

The Head Saltine Stands Corrected !!


BREAKING NEWS !!! BREAKING NEWS !!!

Cracker News Broadcasting Corp. — The OTHER CNBC

Dateline : The Cracker Riviera , Coastal Carolina , The Great And Mighty Cracker Nation Oct . 9 , 2011

Mr. Paul Stanner . The Head Saltine of  The Great And Mighty Cracker Nation made a rather unusal political speech to his citizenry today. The content of that speech is as follows below :

Dear Citizens  Of  The Great And Mighty Cracker Nation recently an  Oath Of Allegiance Ceremony for some of our newest citizens at which I spoke was held . At the conclusion of the ceremony a reception was held to honor our newest citizens. While speaking with one of our new Minority Crackers , Mr. Cedric ” Yogi ” Powell , I informed him that in our nation the politically correct term for a Minority Cracker of his etnicity was ” Burnt Cracker “. No sooner did the phrase spill from my mouth  than the phones started ringng  off  their  hooks and the Drive By Media started demanding a comment. There was one phone call in particular that my secretary , Queen Yes Dear , insisted that I answer — NOW !!! Now you all know how Executive  Secretaries can be  if the boss doesn’t do exactly as she tells him.  Having vast experience dealing with Queen Yes Dear in these matters and knowing thusly the consequences of my actions should I ignore her instructions I obeyed. On the other end of the line was a highly agitated Mr. Joe Snuff , The Minister Of Minority Cracker Outreach for The Great And Mighty Cracker Nation. He informed me that the politically correct term for a Minority Cracker of Mr. Powell’s etnicity was ” Well Toasted ” NOT ” Burnt Cracker ” . He also asked me rather bluntly if I was a complete and total fuckwit. Ladies  and Gentlemen here in The Great And Mighty Cracker Nation , unlike Obamanation , the buck stops with The Head Saltine du jour which would be me in this case. This was NOT George Bush’s fault. Please let me assure you that I meant no offense to Mr. Powell or any other Minority Cracker of any ethnicity. Let me also assure you that my offending behavior will cease immediately and permanently. Mr. Powell you have my apology.I have great faith in our Cracker People’s strength of character and spirit. I’m certain that no damage was done to Mr. Powell. ” Yogi ” is a BIG Cracker , he’ll be fine. I now consider the matter closed. There will be no further comment. Now go spread your crumbs around Crackers. “

WOW !!! CNBC wonders what would happen if all leaders took responsibility for their actions as Mr. Stanner did? Talk about your brave new world !!! lol Could somebody please put Mr. Stanner’s speech on POTUS’s Teleprompter?

Reporting from The Cracker Riviera for CNBC  Conchita Esmeralda Perez Arago Ritz.

Please be advised that ABSOULTELY ZERO Crackers , Well Toasted or otherwise were physically , emotionally , financially or spiritually hurt in the writing of this story. The photos below are of Minister Joe Snuff on the far left , Cedric ” Yogi ”  Powell in the middle and ” Yogi’s ” Squeeze on the far right. They look unharmed to me. What do you Crackers think?

 

 

 

Flour to the Crackers !! We SHALL bake !!

Now go spread your crumbs around Crackers !!

Lucidity Is THE Enemy !! { # 1}


Spaced Teacher vs. The Yellow Knights Of The HaNazee

Lucidity Is THE Enemy { # 1 }

 

By Spaced Teacher

 

In the HaNazee , whom you would know better as the ChiComs , Holy Book’s Ten Commandments there is one that is based in the concept that lucidity is the enemy. This Commandment , as all of them do , originated with the first HaNazee Emperor Wo Bu Zhi Dao. At the time there were about 400 foreigners or ” lao wai ” in his Kingdom. Emperor Wo Bu Zhi Dao knew of these foreigners strength of character and intelligence and of their God Sheng Di. He feared that these lao wai would take over his Kingdom and bring all of their crazy ideas such as Human Rights , Kentucky Fried Chicken , Chuck Berry , Jazz , a work ethic and equal rights and infect his people thusly freeing them.The HaNazee Nation was in it’s infancy at this stage and wasn’t strong enough to confront these lao wai directly yet so a more subtle tactic had to be developed. Emperor Wo Bu Zhi was a paranoid delusional fuckwit who suffered from fecal occulus but he wasn’t stupid. The HaNazee Ten Commandments were written. One of these commandments has to do with constantly frustrating the lao wai with stupidity and muddled thinking. Lucidity is the enemy if you will. As anybody with any substantial amount of Chinese experience will tell you this is the case about 80 % of the time. Another one had to do with thinking rationally and providing prompt couteous service. Again as anybody with any substantial Chinese experience can tell you this happens about 20 % of the time. Now these Commandments to the inexpeirenced in Chinese psychology and methodology would seem to be in contravention of each other . The experienced lao wai knows better. They are actually in conjunction with each other. Think about guys. If you were used to dealing with unvarnished stupidity 90 % of the time and then all of a sudden you got clear rational thinking wouldn’t you be confused. Mission accomplished from Emeperor Wo Bu Zhi Dao’s point of view. The Yellow Knights Of The HaNazee do their job extremely well.

 

If you are one of those people that still believes China is going to rule the world soon read on , I think I can disavow you of that perception. If you aren’t read on anyway , you’ll probably get a chuckle.

China is known in the West as being one of the most wired countries in the world and with lightening fast internet. That may be true in Beijing , Shanghai and a few more of the highly developed enlightened areas of China. I can tell that is absolutley not true in the hinterlands where I am however. The Information Age has not reached here yet. The 18th Century is suffering a prolonged death in East Nowhere , China. My university has 14,000 students . There are usually eight to a dorm room and probably 100 rooms in each building. There is one internet line for each building. There are probably 500 people living in my building. There is one internet line.My guess is that you will not be surprised to hear that this situation is not acceptable to this American. Something needed to be done. I acted as Americans tend to . I asked the administration to rectify this problem. ” Can’t be done ” came the reply. ” Why ” I inquired. ” The school has a deal with the phone company and the internet company where we make money. That deal is contingent on only one line per so many users. If you wanted another line you’d need to buy it yourself.” Well being American and used to paying for what I want I didn’t think this was a problem.I also knew that although the HaNazee have a Communist political system they have a Capitalist economic system. They love the almighty Renminbi / dollar. How wrong I was. I should have known that it couldn’posssibly be that easy. ” Please arrange for it ” I requested. Three days later my Foreign Affairs officer dropped by and told me I couldn’t have the other line. ” Why ” I asked as any self respecting American would. ” Because the leader sees no reason for anybody to have more than one line. ” came the answer. I ‘ve been in China long enough to know what that really means which is that if they allow that they are giving up a little of their control of me. He wasn’t about to let that happen. In China BIG Gege { Brother } is ALWAYS watching especially on the internet.

Apparently there is a garrison of HaNazee Yellow Knights stationed at my school. Lucidity is THE enemy. The 21st Century is so close and yet so far away here in China. If only somebody would put the eternal fuckwit Emperor Wo Bu Zhi Dao out of our misery once and for all perhaps China could join us here in the civilized world at long last.

P.S. : Being a determined American who doesn ‘t let HaNazee fuckwits tell me what I can and can’t have or do I ultimately solved the problem. I’ll tell you how in my next chapter. Well about 80 % of it anyway. NO problem ever gets permanently and correctly fixed in China. It’s not their way.

 Lucidity Is THE Enemy !! Long live Emperor Wo Bu Zhi Dao

Readers please be aware that these stories of ” Spaced Teacher’s Adventures In The Middle Cosmos { China } are written in two different threads. ” Spaced Teacher Battles The Yellow Knights Of The HaNazee ” are the true stories of my experiences here in The Middle Cosmos while ” The Jardeen Roses Of Li Tan” is my FICTIONAL re-write of 5,000 years of Chinese history , mythology and culture from a foreigner’s perspective.You’re probably thinking ” My God how presumptuous of him.” Trust me somebody had to do it. They’ve had 5,000 years to get the job done and they just keep screwing it up. We trust our readers to be able to distinguish between the two topic threads contained within the story. That may be a giant leap of faith on the author’s ,my ,part. I write the damn story and there are days I can’t remember which thread is which. The Middle Cosmos has a way of confusing the most rational clear thinking people. It’s part of the price you must pay for the experiences of living here. As is the case with all of humanity’s gardens there are flowers and weeds. The Chinese garden is no different in that regard , they have flowers in the form of the Jardeen Roses and Jasmine and crabgrass in the form of the HaNazee. I try to weed the crabgrass while focusing on and accentuating the Jardeen Roses and Jasmine. I have taken only the barest minimum of poetic license in an effort to make these stories more enjoyable to read for you. Trust me when I tell you it happened 99 % exactly as I tell it. All names have been fictionalized to protect the guilty from legal action be that civil or criminal and to protect the innocent from the guilty and most importantly to protect the author , yours truly , from the crabgrass in the Chinese garden. Those HaNazee can be vicious bastards!! lol The HaNazee are well known for having an aversion to the spelling and grammar challenged among us so be careful with your grammar and spelling you never know when The HaNazee Grammar Master #1 or The HaNazee Spelling Misstress # 7 are watching.

All characters , plot lines , fictional places , and anything else even remotely associated with these stories is the intellectual property of Spaced Teacher D.B.A. Bea Wildered Enterprises and may not be used without the express written consent of the aforementioned Spaced One or Bea herself.

I hope that ” Spaced Teacher’s Adventures In The Middle Cosmos ” will soon become an epic novel of adventure and conquest. If you are or know a literary agent that would be interested in publishing this please have him contact Bea. He / she can just leave a comment about one of the blog posts and Bea will see it and reply . Bea is not Lucidly Challenged ALL the time !!!

Wo Kan Meiguo Mogui !!! Hai Pa !!! / I See The American Devil !!! I’m Afraid !!


Spaced Teacher vs. The Yellow Knights Of The HaNazee

Wo Kan Meiguo Mogui ! Hai Pa ! / I See The  American Devil ! I’m Afraid !

By Spaced Teacher

  I was teaching in a small town in Central China where I was the first ” lao wai” / foreigner that this school had EVER had and was also the ONLY ” lao wai ” at this school. The responsibilities were great. I was very excited to get involved with my students many of whom had never even seen a  ” lao wai ” before. Basically I was in a situation where there were a lot of very eager impressionable young Chinese minds to be educated. The best thing was I was given carte blanche to do it my way. I was in heaven at the thought of this opportunity. Not so much later I would come to realize that I was not in heaven at all.  I was in , I suspected , someplace in the opposite direction. My suspicions would be confirmed in due course.

    As any ” lao wai ” teacher with experience will tell you the Chinese students always will tell you they want to learn about Western culture. The truth is quite to the contrary. 90 % of them have absolutely no interest in anything that is not Chinese. I’m fairly certain now after six years of experience that The Committee of 17 Sub – Committee On Education tells them to say that. The thinking is probably that they will make themselves look smart by saying that to a “lao wai “and that it will probably please the    ” lao wai ” that foreign people are interested in their cultures. In any case I was still fairly new in China so even though I was beginning to have doubts and starting to  see the big picture I took them at their word.

   Halloween was the first Western / American Holiday we encountered during the year. I was so excited about the fun I was going to have with these kids teaching them about Halloween  and partying with them. I asked all my students in all my classes if they wanted to learn about Halloween. A resounding yes was the response. I was quite pleased. I then asked them if they would like to go trick or treating and have a party. A resounding yes. I explained to them about costumes and told them to buy / make one. Now being an American with a twisted bizarre sense of humor as those of you that know me are aware I was not happy just keeping this on campus.I wanted to involve some of the local townspeople living near the campus. We made flyers in Chinese explaining to the local people what Halloween was and what would be happening on their streets come Halloween night. They appeared to be quite interested and supportive.

  Halloween night arrived and all of my students met me at my apartment on campus. Most of them had no costume at all. A few had masks. A few had great costumes. Off we proceeded to introduce Halloween to the people living on campus. We tricked and treated. We hid behind trees and scared people. We did some simple fun tricks such as throw eggs on windows and silly string cars and what not. I was beginning to notice though that as we went further and further along my posse was greatly diminishing. I also was disappointed that they didn’t want to do anything on their own. I had to be the center of attention  to get them  to do anything. By the  time we got to the far end of campus we had about ten kids that were still with me and having fun. I was very disappointed in the other 300 but I figured what the Hell at least now I know who wants to have fun. We proceeded onward.

 

   It was time to take the celebration off campus. Off to the main street surrounding the campus we went. The Chinese merchants and family living there were very supportive and seemed to be getting into the spirit of the day.They also appeared to be highly entertained. I had noticed though that by the time we got to the end of the street we were down to three kids. I told them ok we’ll finish up this street and call it a night. We  did and I sent them home. I however was NOT finished. I wanted one good ” BOO!!! experience before I went home.

   I walked into an internet bar. I think I was costumed as a Demon as I remember. My face was painted and I’m sure I was a fearsome sight to the Halloween rookies. I just walked in and strolled up to the head of the room. Everybody’s eyes were on me . I’m sure they didn’t know quite what to think although they seemed to be chuckling. I waited about two minutes just staring at them intently. Finally at the top of my voice I shouted Happy Halloween BOO!!! She sprang from her chair like an angry Tigress protecting her cubs. She had a broom and she wasn’t afraid to use it. Out of her internet bar she chased me swinging her broom violently and extremely accurately. The place was howling . Out into the streets I ran with her in hot pursuit yelling at the top of her voice. She was probably swearing at me in Chinese.

The people on the streets were falling down laughing although they were a bit concerned for my safety. A couple of gentleman restrained her and began , judging by the way they were pointing at the flyers we had posted , explaining to her what was going on. She was PISSED!! She ceased her attack but she kept her eyes on me and her broom handy. There was no way she was letting me back in her internet bar. My mission was completed. I placed my thumbs in my ears , help up my fingers and wiggled them at her while sticking my  tongue out. The Chinese people were roaring. I went home happy that night. I had brought a little bit of Western culture to China although in not quite the way I had intened.  I’m fairly certain that the woman was a Sister Of Jardeen Ignorance And Chaos.

FemiNazis

  Some people have no sense of humor. The Sisters And Brothers Of Jardeen Ignorance And Chaos are certainly amongst the foremost of those folks. How unfortunate that so many of the Chinese students are also among them. They are way too young to be this boring. To be this young and be constantly afraid of taking part in the fun things of life or of taking a chance doesn’t bode well for the future of China in my opinion. There is going to be a bad moon rising over China soon I’m afraid.

 

   There is a sadness that afflicts the Chinese people that I guess is reflective of their history. How unfortunate it is that in this time of great economic prosperity and hope in China the Chinese people do not seem to be able or perhaps willing to overcome this sadness.

  The Committee Of 17 has a stranglehold on them it would appear. Let’s all pray that they eventually will overcome it.

  By the Grace of Li Tan

P.S. : To The Committe Of 17. Your day is coming soon. The American Guadzi / Devils are coming for you. You can run but you can’t hide. While your waiting for us do have a Happy Halloween.

BOO !!! 

Readers please be aware that these stories of ” Spaced Teacher’s Adventures In The Middle Cosmos { China } are written in two different threads. ” Spaced Teacher Battles The Yellow Knights Of The HaNazee ” are the true stories of my experiences here in The Middle Cosmos while ” The Jardeen Roses Of Li Tan” is my FICTIONAL re-write of 5,000 years of Chinese history , mythology and culture from a foreigner’s perspective.You’re probably thinking ” My God how presumptuous of him.” Trust me somebody had to do it. They’ve had 5,000 years to get the job done and they just keep screwing it up. We trust our readers to be able to distinguish between the two topic threads contained within the story. That may be a giant leap of faith on the author’s ,my ,part. I write the damn story and there are days I can’t remember which thread is which. The Middle Cosmos has a way of confusing the most rational clear thinking people. It’s part of the price you must pay for the experiences of living here. As is the case with all of humanity’s gardens there are flowers and weeds. The Chinese garden is no different in that regard , they have flowers in the form of the Jardeen Roses and Jasmine and crabgrass in the form of the HaNazee. I try to weed the crabgrass while focusing on and accentuating the Jardeen Roses and Jasmine. I have taken only the barest minimum of poetic license in an effort to make these stories more enjoyable to read for you. Trust me when I tell you it happened 99 % exactly as I tell it. All names have been fictionalized to protect the guilty from legal action be that civil or criminal and to protect the innocent from the guilty and most importantly to protect the author , yours truly , from the crabgrass in the Chinese garden. Those HaNazee can be vicious bastards!! lol The HaNazee are well known for having an aversion to the spelling and grammar challenged among us so be careful with your grammar and spelling you never know when The HaNazee Grammar Master #1 or The HaNazee Spelling Misstress # 7 are watching.

All characters , plot lines , fictional places , and anything else even remotely associated with these stories is the intellectual property of Spaced Teacher D.B.A. Bea Wildered Enterprises and may not be used without the express written consent of the aforementioned Spaced One or Bea herself.

I hope that ” Spaced Teacher’s Adventures In The Middle Cosmos ” will soon become an epic novel of adventure and conquest. If you are or know a literary agent that would be interested in publishing this please have him contact Bea. He / she can just leave a comment about one of the blog posts and Bea will see it and reply . Bea is not Lucidly Challenged ALL the time !!!

 

The Birth Of The Jardeen Roses Of Li Tan


The Jardeen Roses Of Li Tan

This Lady is a ” Sister Of The Jardeen Rose “

The ” Sisters Of The Jardeen Rose ” are the HaNazee’s sworn enemies.

The Birth Of The Jardeen Roses Of Li Tan

By Spaced Teacher

Long before the reign of what are now known as the HaNazees the land that the HaNazee now occupy was known as Jardeen. It was a beautiful and prosperous land until the evil first Emperor Wo Bu Zhi Dao was able to conquer the peace loving Jardeen people and unleash the curse upon them which would eventually change their whole culture and civilization. Many of them became the HaNazee people and their country became known as HaNazeeland. There are still many Jardeen people left in HaNazeeland but life is very difficult for them since they have been conquered by the foul tiny minority known as The HaNazee.

Having a few spare hours last evening I decided it was time to do some more studying about Jardeen culture. I was curious about their religion / philosophy. I decided to read “The Kiree Jal”.Their Holy book. For you foreign people it would be roughly equivalent to The Holy Bible , The Torah , The Koran or The Kama Sutra. By the time I was finished my knowledge had expanded at least fivefold. I also had an epiphany which I will now share with you.

In ancient Jardeen times about 5,000 years ago when the Jardeen culture was in it’s infancy the first Emperor,Emperor Wo Bu Zhi Dao had a personal garden in his courtyard which he was very fond of. He also had virgin forests throughout his Kingdom which were his pride and joy. Emperor Wo Bu Zhi Dao was a despotic King with an evil heart. He was not however stupid. Being ever mindful of the consequences of jangling the Jardeen people’s sensitive natures he stepped lightly whenever he could.As part of this policy since he liked children largely because he didn’t view them as a threat and because the sound of their laughter was soothing music to his troubled soul, he would let the Court’s children play in his garden. One day a beautiful innocent girl child by the name of Li Tan was playing there and came upon a rose and some jasmine growing side by side both of which had very unusual scents. Since she was a loving child she picked the rose for her Mother who liked roses and the jasmine for her Father who liked jasmine. When the Emperor heard of this he was furious!! He summonsed the child and her parents. He asked the child why she had picked the flower. The child said because they were beautiful and her Mommy and Daddy liked flowers. She also said something that totally confused the Emperor. She asked in a sweet innocent voice why the Emperor didn’t know of the power of the scent of these flowers and why he didn’t know that these were blessed by Sheng Di. Once again he was furious !!How could this mere girl child know something he didn’t? How could she be so impertinent as to cause him to lose face in front of his own Court? He was also not thinking clearly. He banished Li Tan and her family to live forever in the gloom of Shar Veesta!! Or so he thought. He also decreed that all the people of his Kingdom were to plant seeds from “The Tree Of Ignorance” in his forests and seeds from “The Flower Of Chaos” in his own personal garden.This was done to remind the people of the Emperor’s power. The people being very fearful of the evil despotic Emperor complied willingly except for a small group of about 80 women and twenty men who objected to these decisions in the most strenuous of terms , to no avail.

The Emperor while he realized the inherent danger he had created for himself also realized that 100 people were not enough to cause him any more than a minor irritation. However he didn’t even want to deal with minor irritations so he agreed to let these 100 honor Li Tan and her family in any acceptable way they chose. The 100 chose to plant a rose garden of the variety of rose that Li Tan had picked right in the middle of the Emperor’s own court and to plant jasmine also of the type that Li Tan had picked throughout the Kingdom’s forests. Much to the Emperor’s chagrin they named the rose garden “Li Tan’s Rose Garden Of Joyous Harmony” and the jasmine forests ” Li Tan’s Forest Of Peaceful Enlightenment”

Emperor Wo Bu Zhi Dao had unknowingly and by his own free will turned his virgin forests into “The Forest of Ignorance”and his own personal garden into “The Garden Of Chaos” and cursed the Jardeen people for a period of 7,000 years. The Jardeen people by freely doing as the Emperor ordered had effectively cursed themselves.

Sheng Di , God of the Righteous Jardeen and the lao wai A.K.A. foreigners sitting on her throne high in the Heavenly clouds of Yellow Mountains was not at all pleased with these shenanigans of the Emperor. The first thing she did was rescue Li Tan and her family and bring them to live a peacfeul joyous eternal life with her in Yellow Mountains. Then she waited patiently for the Emperor’s prayers of forgiveness. Six days passed and then they came.


After six days had passed the Emeperor having calmed down and returned to a rational thought pattern realized what he had done. He came to the conclusion that he had behaved badly and that his actions must be undone. Since he was Emperor Wo Bu Zhi Dao the most powerful man in the Kingdom who could he turn to. He had no clue. He agonized about this for what seemed like an eternity. As he was sitting in front of “Li Tan’s Rose Garden Of Joyous Harmony” pondering his quandry he heard a little boy by the name of Quai Con Cain praying to Sheng Di. The Emperor curious to know why this little boy was doing this called him over and asked him to explain. The little boy being “A Kindred Spirit” and a believer gladly told him the story of Sheng Di . The Emperor was not even slightly convinced but figured “What the Hell have I got to lose?” Up went the prayer of contrition. “Oh please help me Sheng Di . I have done a terrible thing.” Sheng Di answered but not in the way Emperor Wo Bu Zhi Dao expected. Sheng Di explained that while she could not undo something that was done of the Emperor’s own free will she could and would help him. The Emperor accepted. What the Emperor didn’t realize was that Sheng Di wasn’t suggesting what he do or asking him to do it she was telling him to do as she instructed.The Emperor unused to being told what to do especially by a woman refused. Sheng Di being omnipotent, female and of rational mind suspected what was going to happen next. She was prepared. Emperor Wo Bu Zhi Dao being a Jardeen Male of HaNazee tendencies , weak of intellect and character and of a spiteful nature reacted exactly as Sheng Di expected. He ordered all the people to go out and plant more seeds from “The Tree Of Ignorance” and ” The Flower Of Chaos” throughout his Kingdom. After all he reasoned “I am the King!!” “Who does this Sheng Di think she is?”

All of the people except The 100 followed the Emperor’s orders faithfully and reverently. The Emperor was extremely pissed at The 100. This time he was not going to entertain any excuses. He banished them to the gloom and doom of Shar Veesta as he had tried to do the first time they crossed him. Once again he failed. At that very moment the Heavens parted and Sheng Di in a thunderous ominous voiced warned the Emperor to never threaten The 100 in any way again and whisked The 100 away to Huang Shan on ” The Yellow Light Of Bong Ti ” to live a joyous peaceful life with her , and Li Tan and her family. And to train for a Divine Mission.

On the morning of the Seventh Day the Orders of “The Sisters of The Jardeen Rose ” and “The Sisters And Brothers Of The Jardeen Jasmine” were born. And so was “The Emperor’s Legion Of The Brothers And Sisters of Jardeen{HaNazee} Chaos And Ignorance”.

ON The Seventh Day the Emperor had had enough of this infernal Sheng Di’s meddling in his affairs. He cursed Sheng Di and rebuked her authority over his Kingdom. He had pronounced himself her sworn enemy!! He also gave birth to” The Emperor’s Legion Of Brothers And Sisters Of Jardeen{ HaNazee} Chaos And Ignorance” and pronounced himself their Eternal Leader. Believing profoundly in the purity of his philosophy and heart he pronounced himself “Yellow Devil Of The East” “The Eternal Leader ” of “The Emperor’s Legion OF Brothers And Sisters Of Jardeen { HaNazee}Ignorance And Chaos” Their Kingdom, is somewhere in the East of HaNazeeland. Only Sheng Di knows eactly where. He gave them a two fold mission. To always sow the seeds of chaos and ignorance wherever they had the chance and to always confuse and frustrate the foreigners for bringing that infernal meddling God of the Righteous Jardeen and foreigners Sheng Di into his Kingdom.He also made them swear a Sacred Oath to him. The oath was very simple yet powerful in it’s sublety. It was this “Wo Bu Zhi Dao” or in English.”I DON’T KNOW!! ” This oath was a cunning move on his part. It assured that his name Emperor Wo Bu Zhi Dao would be spoken repeatedly by the HaNazee Jardeen people for the eternity of their history. He also required them to wear a mystical invisible veil at all times. This veil is known to “The Sisters and Brothers” as “The Veil Of Chosen Ignorance” As long as “The Brothers and Sisters of Ignorance And Chaos” are wearing it they can’t be accepted or persuaded. This veil also can’t be removed forcibly even by “The Sisters and Brothers Of The Jardeen Rose And Jasmine” If a “Brother or Sister Of Ignorance And Chaos” wishes to be accepted or persuaded they must remove it themselves. Prophecy says that at “The Battle of Xi Chan” Sheng Di herself will remove the veils from “The Brothers and Sisters Of Ignorance and Chaos ” thus freeing them and vanquishing Emperor Wo Bu Zhi Dao decisively and for all eternity.

The current practitioners of Emperor Wo Bu Zhi Dao’s philosophy are —– Are you sitting down? Are you ready? Is the suspense killing you??——-

The HaNazees . Their Leadership Council is called The Committee of 17!!!

Also on The Seventh Day in the cool of the morning mists covering The Huang Shan like a Divine veil Sheng Di launched her mission. She took the The 100 and divided them equally into two groups. All twenty men and thirty of the women became “The Order Of The Sisters and Brothers of The Jardeen Jasmine” Since Li Tan’s Father was a righteous man in the eyes of Sheng Di he was their leader. By Righteous Jardeenic Scripture however since he was still a Jardeen man. Even though Sheng Di viewed him as a Righteous Jardeen man she knew that all Jardeen men are susciptible to the temptations of HaNazeeism therefore she decreed that his Second In Command must always be a Sister. The second group was to become “The Order Of The Jardeen Rose” and their leader was Li Tan’s mother. Li Tan herself sits at the right hand of Sheng Di. She acts as the liason advisor from Sheng Di to both “The Sisters Of The Jardeen Rose”and “The Sisters and Brothers Of The Jardeen Jasmine”. Righteous Jardeenic Scripture says emphatically that Li Tan will be the pivotal decisive force in “The Battle Of Xi Chan” The Jardeen “Apocalypse” “The Sisters of The Jardeen Rose” and “The Sisters and Brothers of The Jardeen Jasmine’s” mission is to counter Emperor Wo Bu Zhi Dao’s forces whenever and wherever they are found by any means acceptable within the dictates of Righteous Jardeenic Religious Law. Believe me when I tell you that when “The Sisters and Brothers” encounter Emperor Wo Bu Zhi Dao’s forces they have wide latitude as to their response.They have also been instructed by Sheng Di to faithfully assist all foreigners in difficulty during their travels in HaNazeeland. Sheng Di has a kind regard for foreigners. They are her “Chosen People” They were the first ones to proclaim her. They are also charged with preaching the Gospel of Sheng Di. Also on that morning Sheng Di cast four spells. The first was upon Emperor Wo Bu Zhi Dao. He was cursed with “The Eternal Scent Of The Jardeen Rose and Jasmine” The “Sisters and “Brothers”scents would be with him for eternity.It would always be there right on the tip of his bezi. I can only imagine what agony that is for him. All the Jardeen men that followed Emperor Wo Bu Zhi Dao’s orders to plant seeds of ignorance and chaos were cursed with “The Plague Of Indecision” This was because in Sheng Di’s eyes they were unrighteous , proud , ignorant and lazy.In other words HaNazee men. It seemed appropriate to her to never let them make an easy decision. After all the one time they had a chance to make one they messed up the whole Righteous Jardeen history and culture. I tend to agree with her.This curse is appropriate.All the Jardeen women that followed Emperor Wo Bu Zhi Dao’s orders to plant seeds of ignorance and chaos were forever cursed with”The Plague Of The Amorous Foreigner” they were to be courted and sparked by blue eyed white skinned foreigners for all of eternity. And you were beginning to doubt that Sheng Di had a sense of humor. I’d say this curse was also appropriate. After all they doubted the power of the God of the foreigners and The Righteous Jardeen. All of the non Righteous Jardeen people A.K.A. HaNazees, were cursed for 7,000 years with ” The Curse Of Chosen Poverty” because they allowed the HaNazee to rebel against Sheng Di’s authority. I would also say this curse was appropriate since after all they willingly chose to plant the seeds of ignorance and chaos. Sheng Di being a merciful kind God has however provided an escape from this curse. When “The Economic Savior ” appears if he is accepted and followed faithfully the curse will be lifted. Many Righteous Jardeen people think this was Deng Xiao Ping. I guess the jury is still out on that. Time will tell. Another way is to seek “The Sisters and Brothers”. When 80% of the Jardeen people become believers known as “Kindred Spirits” then the curse will be lifted. We are 5,000 years into it and as yet it hasn’t been lifted. I guess they need more time. The other curses can also be lifted on an individual level simply by seeking “The Sisters and Brothers” and either being accepted{baptized} or persuaded{converted}. To date there have not been many acceptances or persuasions although the few that do are very devout. Interestingly “The Sisters Of Jardeen Rose” handle the women that want to be persuaded or accepted and “The Sisters And Brothers Of The Jardeen Jasmine” handle the men that wish to be accepted or persuaded. I don’t know the exact reasons for this although I have my suspicions. Maybe my faith is wavering. “The Sisters And Brothers” aren’t saying. I guess it’s good that some things remain a mystery. Also interestingly the women that wish to be accepted or persuaded make up their minds about it much faster than the men. I don’t know if this is because they wish to escape ” The Curse Of The Amorous Foreigner” or they have truly seen “The Yellow Light Of Sheng Di”. The indecisiveness of the Jardeen men that wish to be accepted or persuaded is no mystery to anyone. They suffer from “The Plague Of Indecision” They are a constant battle for “The Sisters And Brothers Of The JardeenJasmine” Exactly who “The Brothers and Sisters Of The Jardeen Jasmine” and ” The Sisters Of The Jardeen Rose” are is a mystery. They prefer to remain silent until they are sought. Legend has it though that if you are “A Kindred Spirit” and there is a “Sister” or “Brother” near you will smell the enchanting intoxicating smell of roses/jasmine. I believe the legend.

Well now foreigner do you think you have a better understanding of the Righteous Jardeen and HaNazee Jardeen Cultures? Very good I am pleased Grasshopper. In “The Cosmos Of Knowledge” you have colonized a small insignificant planet for Jardeen. You WILL do more!!


And now for the epiphany.

If you remember in a previous chapter I told you about my difficulties at the airport and my first experience with Righteous and HaNazee Jardeen people in HaNazeeland. As you will recall it was a beautiful Jardeen woman that ultimately solved my difficulties. I did not realize it at the time or even think about it but in hindsight I remember the faint but intoxicating scent of roses. I had indeed been rescued by “A Sister Of The Jardeen Rose” Unbeknownst to me I was a “Kindred Spirit” and a foreigner. She saw my difficulty and she she acted. The Gospel had been spread. I accept gladly even if a bit belatedly. I am proud to say I am a “Brother Of The Jardeen Jasmine”

I am at peace with my “Sisters and Brothers” and at war with the forces of Emperor Wo Bu Zhi Dao.

Thank you my “Sister Of The Jardeen Rose.”

It has been 5,000 years since these events and the battle still rages. The curses have not been lifted except in a few isolated individual cases.The forces of Emperor Wo Bu Zhi Dao are very strong but have no fear friend “The Sisters Of The Jardeen Rose” and “The Sisters And Brothers Of The Jardeen Jasmine” are strong in their faith. They are up to the task. The prophecies of Sheng Di will come to pass in due course.

A little advice for all you foreigners with little or no Jardeen experience.

If you have difficulty in Jardeen with either the Jardeen people or the Jardeen system before you get angry or pull a hissy fit STOP!! REMAIN CALM!!! Seek “A Sister” If you are a “Kindred Spirit” they will find you and help you.

In short before you get angry and pull a hissy fight STOP!!

And smell the Jardeen rose and jasmine. As long as “The Sisters and Brothers” are on your side The HaNazee and The Committee of 17

CAN’T WIN!!!

Readers please be aware that these stories of ” Spaced Teacher’s Adventures In The Middle Cosmos { China } are written in two different threads. ” Spaced Teacher Battles The Yellow Knights Of The HaNazee ” are the true stories of my experiences here in The Middle Cosmos while ” The Jardeen Roses Of Li Tan” is my FICTIONAL re-write of 5,000 years of Chinese history , mythology and culture from a foreigner’s perspective.You’re probably thinking ” My God how presumptuous of him.” Trust me somebody had to do it. They’ve had 5,000 years to get the job done and they just keep screwing it up. We trust our readers to be able to distinguish between the two topic threads contained within the story. That may be a giant leap of faith on the author’s ,my ,part. I write the damn story and there are days I can’t remember which thread is which. The Middle Cosmos has a way of confusing the most rational clear thinking people. It’s part of the price you must pay for the experiences of living here. As is the case with all of humanity’s gardens there are flowers and weeds. The Chinese garden is no different in that regard , they have flowers in the form of the Jardeen Roses and Jasmine and crabgrass in the form of the HaNazee. I try to weed the crabgrass while focusing on and accentuating the Jardeen Roses and Jasmine. I have taken only the barest minimum of poetic license in an effort to make these stories more enjoyable to read for you. Trust me when I tell you it happened 99 % exactly as I tell it. All names have been fictionalized to protect the guilty from legal action be that civil or criminal and to protect the innocent from the guilty and most importantly to protect the author , yours truly , from the crabgrass in the Chinese garden. Those HaNazee can be vicious bastards!! lol The HaNazee are well known for having an aversion to the spelling and grammar challenged among us so be careful with your grammar and spelling you never know when The HaNazee Grammar Master #1 or The HaNazee Spelling Misstress # 7 are watching.

All characters , plot lines , fictional places , and anything else even remotely associated with these stories is the intellectual property of Spaced Teacher D.B.A. Bea Wildered Enterprises and may not be used without the express written consent of the aforementioned Spaced One or Bea herself.

I hope that ” Spaced Teacher’s Adventures In The Middle Cosmos ” will soon become an epic novel of adventure and conquest. If you are or know a literary agent that would be interested in publishing this please have him contact Bea. He / she can just leave a comment about one of the blog posts and Bea will see it and reply . Bea is not Lucidly Challenged ALL the time !!!

If You Go Carrying Pictures Of Chairman Mao { # 1 }


Spaced Teacher Vs. The Yellow Knights Of The HaNazee

 

If You Go Carrying Pictures Of Chairman Mao { # 1 }

If you are one of those people that is foolish enough to believe the current politically correct view that China is going to rule the world soon I have good news for you.Don’t believe it!! It isn’t going to happen in your lifetime. I seriously doubt that China will ever rule the world. Assuming they do some day though it is at least 100 years in the future and realistically it’s probably 500 years in the future. When I ask my 20 year old Chinese students how long they think it will be the vast majority say 50 years. Now make no mistake it’s not that they couldn’t it’s that they won’t. I will explain below.

In The HaNazee Holy Book’s Ten Commandments there is one that states the following. As described below :

” Nothing Or NOBODY In All Of China { Jardeen} May Move Faster Than ” The Napping Panda Of Sichuan “.

Emeperor Wo Bu Zhi Dao who was the first HaNazee Emperor of China was deathly afraid that if his people became too ambitious , efficient and educated they would revolt and toss him and his cronies out of the Palace.He would then need to get the one thing that all HaNazees , especially the men , fear the most. A real job. In The Dreaded Private Sector!!! He wasn’t about to let that happen!!To this day that attitude is still prevalent in China.

When I came to this university I was told that we would be moving into a brand new state of the art building which was specifically designed for the foreign staff and students. I arrived here in March , it is now June and we are still staying in the hotel they initially quartered us in. We are still hearing the move is iminent. LoL I have subsequently spoken to one of the Australian teachers who was here last year. He informed me that he was told that he would be moving into that complex last year. His advice was to not get too excited about it one way or the other.

The Napping Panda Of Sichuan is cutting some zzzzz’s. lol

About 5 weeks ago the hot water in this hotel stopped. Apparently the water boiler broke.It’s very hard for me to believe that The Information Age has reached China yet since everybody in a position of authority that we asked had very little information about this. All we were told was that they had to seek bids and that it would be fixed in about 10 days. Ten days came and went. We asked again. We were told it would be fixed in two to three weeks. Two – three weeks came and went . We asked again. This time we were told it was indefinite. Being rational well educated , if a bit ripe at this point , lao wai / foreigners we asked why. We were told that they were having the necessary equipment shipped in. My guess is that first they have to make it then ship it. I further postulate that since shipping by air is a bit tai guela / expensive and they wish to save some money they are shipping it via donkey cart. We are now at six weeks and counting. Meiyou / zero hot water boiler and about twenty very ripe lao wai / foreigners. There is no end in site. Apparently The Nappping Panda of Sichuan is taking a prolonged snooze this time.

The thing that really amazes me about this whole situation is that the Chinse people just accept it.This hotel is one of the more expensive hotels in this town. It costs about $ 18.00 / 150 R.M.B. a night to stay here. Now by American standards that is not a lot of money but trust me when I tell you that is a significant amount of money by Chinese standards. The way the hotel has handled this is by giving each Chinese guest a 2 RMB / 25 cent token for the public bath. The lao wai / foreigners get nothing. Apparently we are on our own in this matter. To date I have not noticed a drop in the hotel’s occupancy rates or any complaining by the Chinese guests. I find that very curious indeed. I also think it’s another part of the reason that they will never rule the world. As long as you are willing to accept only what the leaders give you then development will continue to be excruciatingly slow. Can you imagine the reaction of American / Western guests at a comparable 4 star hotel in America or Europe to this situation? I’m reminded of the old saying about the Communists. I think it’s very applicable to this situation. ” If the Communists managed the desert there would be a shortage of sand.”

The Napping Panda of Sichuan is cutting some zzzz’s

P.S. : You may want to stay out of this town for the foreseeable future. There are many very ripe lao wai / foreigners here. It’s not pretty.

Readers please be aware that these stories of ” Spaced Teacher’s Adventures In The Middle Cosmos { China } are written in two different threads. ” Spaced Teacher Battles The Yellow Knights Of The HaNazee ” are the true stories of my experiences here in The Middle Cosmos while ” The Jardeen Roses Of Li Tan” is my FICTIONAL re-write of 5,000 years of Chinese history , mythology and culture from a foreigner’s perspective.You’re probably thinking ” My God how presumptuous of him.” Trust me somebody had to do it. They’ve had 5,000 years to get the job done and they just keep screwing it up. We trust our readers to be able to distinguish between the two topic threads contained within the story. That may be a giant leap of faith on the author’s ,my ,part. I write the damn story and there are days I can’t remember which thread is which. The Middle Cosmos has a way of confusing the most rational clear thinking people. It’s part of the price you must pay for the experiences of living here. As is the case with all of humanity’s gardens there are flowers and weeds. The Chinese garden is no different in that regard , they have flowers in the form of the Jardeen Roses and Jasmine and crabgrass in the form of the HaNazee. I try to weed the crabgrass while focusing on and accentuating the Jardeen Roses and Jasmine. I have taken only the barest minimum of poetic license in an effort to make these stories more enjoyable to read for you. Trust me when I tell you it happened 99 % exactly as I tell it. All names have been fictionalized to protect the guilty from legal action be that civil or criminal and to protect the innocent from the guilty and most importantly to protect the author , yours truly , from the crabgrass in the Chinese garden. Those HaNazee can be vicious bastards!! lol The HaNazee are well known for having an aversion to the spelling and grammar challenged among us so be careful with your grammar and spelling you never know when The HaNazee Grammar Master #1 or The HaNazee Spelling Misstress # 7 are watching.

All characters , plot lines , fictional places , and anything else even remotely associated with these stories is the intellectual property of Spaced Teacher D.B.A. Bea Wildered Enterprises and may not be used without the express written consent of the aforementioned Spaced One or Bea herself.

I hope that ” Spaced Teacher’s Adventures In The Middle Cosmos ” will soon become an epic novel of adventure and conquest. If you are or know a literary agent that would be interested in publishing this please have him contact Bea. He / she can just leave a comment about one of the blog posts and Bea will see it and reply . Bea is not Lucidly Challenged ALL the time !!!

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