More Photos From The Chen Family Homestead In Guangzhou , China. Jan 2011

Dear Readers :

Here are a few more photos from The Chen Family Homestead in Guangzhou , China. I hope you enjoy them.

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Spacedteacher’s Adventures In The Middle Cosmos

Jardeen Rose

This Lady is a ” Sister Of The Jardeen Rose “

The ” Sisters Of The Jardeen Rose ” are the sworn enemies of the HaNazees.

“Don’t Worry Be Happy”


“It’s Uttama Bin Kaden’s Fault. REALLY IT IS!!”

There is a well known terrorist by the name of Uttama Bin Kaden who is constantly causing all kinds of security issues throughout the world. Because of Mr. Bin Kadens nefarious activities daily life can be very dangerous for law abiding people.Upon my departure for China I was about to become acquainted with those difficulties.

My home is in the Appalachian Mountains. It is in my opinion the most beautiful part of my country. Unfortunately it is about 5 hours from the nearest airport which is located in Atlanta. Because of security concerns related to Mr. Bin Kaden and his “Crew” all airports in my country require that you arrive two hours early. This meant that I would have to arrive at 6:00 A.M. for my cross continent flight to the city of Los Angeles from where I would transfer for a noon time flight across the Pacific Ocean bound for Jardeen. I had to leave my home at 1:00 A.M. in order for these arrangements all to work. While I was annoyed at Mr. Bin Kaden for causing me all this trouble I understood and supported the Government’s security precautions.

The REAL adventure was to begin in The City of God’s Angels when I had my first experience with the Jardeen people!!!

I arrived in The City of God’s Angels at 11:00 A.M. I had 1 hour to make my switch.The Jardeen government had arranged for somebody to meet me there and help with the transfer. He was nowhere to be found! THAT should have been my first clue. Although I was traveling alone and did not understand the language or culture I was not concerned ,after all I was an intelligent , well traveled American. I had visited many parts of the world and had never encountered ANY serious problems I was confident that I would figure it out. Everything I had studied about these Jardeen in my two weeks of intensive preparatory classes for my new assignment indicated that they were an advanced culture. It was then that I noticed there were two main Jardeen airlines. Jardeen Air and Air Jardeen. I thought this needlessly confusing. I later discovered that the Jardeen Sub Committee on Airports which is appointed by The Committee Of 17 did not!!! As my Jardeen adventure progressed and I began to learn more about Jardeen culture I was amazed to discover that 80% of the Jardeen people and 100 % of the leaders are followers of an ancient religion known as Kuulang Shang which has been shrouded in mystery and suspicion for eons. The primary Saint of this religion is none other than their venerated first Emperor Wo Bu Zhi Dao . Two of the main tenants of this religion are that “Lucidity Is The Enemy” and “NOTHING May Move Faster Than The Napping Panda Of Sichuan!!!” I digress a bit. If only I had known then what I know NOW!!!

I took a look around to get my bearings. Fortunately or so I thought I was near the right terminal. I approached the flight board. My flight was not listed. Curious I thought. I double checked to make sure I had read my ticket correctly. I had. It was time to seek help. I found a Jardeen C.S.R. that allegedly spoke English. I asked her for help. BIG MISTAKE!!! She assured me that the ticket was a misprint and I actually belonged in the other Jardeen airline’s terminal. A voice in my head said “Don’t listen to her,DON’T”. Sometimes you should listen to the voices in your head. THEY ARE THERE FOR A REASON!! Off I went to the other terminal. I wasn’t playing this time. Immediately I found a C.S.R. BIG MISTAKE!! I was beginning to suspect that customer service was a foreign concept to the Jardeen. A suspicion that was later confirmed by much experience.It seems that another principle of their religion is ” Knowledge Is Dangerous”. Apparently it is not safe to know ANYTHING that your boss doesn’t . For that reason initiative and creativity are discouraged. ANY Jardeen underling wants only the EXACT ,SPECIFIC knowledge required to do ONLY their jobs. Questions will confuse them. A hissy fit will make them nervous.When they are confused YOU will get absolutely ZERO results. When they are nervous you will get results. They will hate you passionately but you WILL get results. I had twenty minutes to get results. Since I was not expecting any problems I had only brought $250 with me .I had no return ticket to America. If I missed this flight I was in BIG trouble. It DEFINITELY was time to start being concerned. Not panic –YET just concern. She looked at my ticket. A look of amazed bemusement came upon her. Ten other Jardeen C.S.R.’s are giggling softly but noticeably. A glance at my watch revealed that it was now 11:30. 30 minutes flushed down into the kairotic Jardeen abyss. It was time for an American solution to this problem. I pulled a hissy fit and demanded to speak to someone that could fix this problem. IMMEDIATELY!!!! Five minutes later I was being escorted personally by the manager of this terminal to the other terminal.

Ahh sweet relief !!!! Problem solved. Think again Rimnak!!! My flight was indeed at this terminal but there were 85 people in front of me at one check in station for all 85 passengers.{Remember here the tenant of their religion which states “Lucidity Is The Enemy!!} What will he do now you ask?Well I marched right up to the front of the line and explained politely but firmly that I was an American teacher on my way to Jardeen to teach at a university so I MUST be allowed to cut in front of all of these other people and get on my plane which is leaving in TEN MINUTES as any self respecting American would do. As even you would do. “No dice lao wai / foreigner!!!}


It was at the precise moment that Jardeen security

was eyeing me furtively and I was planning the strategy of my impending tantrum that it happened.

She was an absolutely beautiful Jardeen woman!!

I have been all over the world and I have seen some beautiful women from many different cultures so when I tell you that she was easily in the top 1 percentile you should have no reason to doubt me. I enjoyed watching her walk in the same way I enjoy listening to Diana Krall sing. Her eyes were a combination of the sparkle of Hawaiian rainbows and the sensuality of the Appalachian Rains. Launch sequence was activated!!!

She walked right up to me looked me right straight in the eyes smiled that sweet smile of The Jardeen Rose which all lao wai come to know and love and whispered in perfect English in that soft , low and sexy yet innocent voice

Don’t worry sir. The plane will wait for you.

WOW!! Beauty , Charm , Sex Appeal , Brains AND Humor.

My attitude towards the Jardeen began to change. She had sparked a metamorphosis. While I never did get her name or see her again I thank her for that.

And thusly was my first impression of China indelibly burned into my psyche.

P.S.: I later found out that this is a little game that the two terminals like to play with each other and with the “lao wai” they deal with. Regardless of your feelings about any cultural problem or any people you MUST respect a sense of humor no matter how much it confused you at the time. I certainly do!! LoL I also found out that ALL the people in that line were on my flight. They were all lao wai teachers going to various universities in China. Most of them were going to my university. I came to know quite a few of them well.

P.P.S. : Isn’t it curious how all the bad impressions seem to fade over time and let us remember fondly the good times and good impressions.

“The Adventures Of Spacedteacher In The Middle Cosmos { China }” are a collection of short stories based upon my actual experiences.They are written from the point of view of an American ” lao wai” { foreigner}. As is the case with all of humanity’s gardens there are flowers AND weeds.The Chinese garden is no different in that regard , they have flowers in the form of the Jardeen Roses and Jasmine and crabgrass in the form of the HaNazees. I try to weed the crabgrass while focusing on and accentuating the Jardeen Rose and Jasmine .

I have taken only the barest minimum of poetic license in an effort to make these stories more enjoyable to read for you. Trust me when I tell you it happened 99 % exactly as I tell it. All names have been fictionalized to protect the guilty from legal action be that civil or criminal and to protect the innocent from the guilty and most importantly to protect the author , yours truly , from the crabgrass in the Chinese garden. Those HaNazee can be vicious bastards!! lol

The HaNazee are well known for having an aversion to the spelling and grammar challenged among us.These guys are in the employ of the HaNazee.

All characters , plot lines , fictional places , and anything else even remotely associated with these stories is the intellectual property of Spacedteacher D.B.A. Bea Wildered Enterprises and may not be used without the express written consent of the aforementioned Spaced one or Bea herself.

She’s Got Game !!!

D.D. had great fun shooting the Chinese National Women’s Ice Hockey Team this day. If you look REAL carefully you might be able to see my owner in these photos !!

He Shoots !!! He Scores !!!

He Shoots!!! He Scores!!

By Spacedteacher  Photos By D.D.Lumix

The Chinese Men’s and Women’s National Ice Hockey Teams are both based in Harbin. Strangely enough they get zero support from the local Chinese people. Before you  ask it is not expensive even by Chinese standards to see a game. The two stadiums they have are both fairly modern and comfortable. They are an enjoyable place to watch a game.My theory on why the Chinese don’t support hockey is because there is no Yao Ming of hockey. As soon as that changes and it most assuredly will the Chinese will come running.Mr. Charles Wang who is a very wealthy Chinese -American businessman that hails originally from Harbin and just happens to own the New York Islanders is actively pursuing that ” Yao Ming ” of hockey. He has invested a lot of money in traiing facilities and programs for Chinese ice hockey development. In Harbin near the Tai Ping Jalefu meighborhood he helps finance the training complex for the Chinese men’s and women’s National Teams. Another reason is that they as yet have never done well at the Olympics. That too will change soon particularly for the women’s team.

I had been badgering my students to at least come one time and see a high level game and support their own national team in the process. Finally four of them consented , probably just to get me off their asses.One of these students was also moving to Calgary , Canada that spring. I badgered her about learning the culture of her adopted country. lol

The Korean White Tigers from Seoul Korea were in town to play a combined Qiqihar / Harbin men’s team that had many of the players from the Chinese National Men’s Team on it. The stadium seats about 10,000. There were maybe 1,000 in attendance. Six of those 1,000 were lao wai {  foreigners}. A Harbin player intercepted a Tigers breakout pass on his off wing { R } just inside his offensive blue line. There was one Tiger defenseman to beat. With a busrt of speed , a tuck and go between the defenseman’s leg and a clever deek he picked the puck up on the other side and roofed a vicious forehander shortside. The Tiger goalie never had a chance. Six ” lao wai ” stand up and cheer this players efforts heartily. 994 Chinese just sit there stonefaced. Apparently it’s undignified in Chinese culture to show emotion even when the home team is kicking ass. That did not matter to us lao wai. We enjoyed the rest of the game as we would have done had we been at ” The Joe “. We had a good time. The Chinese as best as I could tell did too. I’m not sure however if they were watching the game or watching us watch the game. We may very well have been their entertainment.

My four students were standing right behind the goal when this goal was scored. There are now four more hockey fans in the world.May  writes me now and again and tells me she is doing well in Canada. She roots for the Flames.

I like to think that the Hockey Gods were pleased with my efforts.

hockey gods Pictures, Images and Photos

D.D. Lumix Joins The CNBC Staff

Dear Readers :

    Cracker Nation Broadcasting Corp – The OTHER CNBC is pleased to announce that the award winning photo journalist D.D. Lumix has joined our staff. D.D. Will introduce herself below.

The Management

Dear Citizens of The Cracker Nation of America :

My name is D.D. { Deep Digital } , or Dee Dee if you prefer, Lumix. I am a Panasonic DMC FZ 28 digital camera. I have been sent on an undercover photographic intelligence gathering mission to The People’s Republic Of China by The Company. My cover is that I belong to an American English teacher at a Chinese university who is here for employment fun and adventure. She has no idea of MY true mission. While I do realize that this teacher is boring as Hell and dumb as dirt unfortunately I must let her speak from time to time since if she were to realize that I was in charge and not her it could jeopardize my whole mission. I’m telling you between having to constantly avoid the HaNazees whom you would more likely know as the Chinese Communists always lurking about and tap dancing around my ” owners “

stupidity The Company sure likes to make things difficult.

In any case stay tuned for a look at China as you’ve never seen her before.



P.S. :

I almost forgot to tell you that my ” owner’s ” name is Spaced Teacher. More on Spaced Teacher below.

 The photo below is a sample of my work. Check out that rainbow in the middle of the afternoon. This was taken at Qiqihar Lake near Qiqihar University in Qiqihar , Heilongjiang Province , P.R.C. { China }

There will be lots more coming soon.

I Blame Jesus

           Spaced Teacher’s Adventures In The Middle Cosmos { China }
        This Lady is a Sister Of The Jardeen Rose. They are the sworn enemies of The HaNazee       

I Blame Jesus

By Spaced Teacher

 When I was a young pup of 45 I was a normal well adjusted American woman just biding time waiting for my midlife crisis.I had blond hair , crystal blue eyes, a keen mind and was in perfect health. I was wondering how I would embrace and celebrate this wondrous stage of life. While  in the library one day killing time  a Christian magazine cover happened to catch my eye.Curiously  I picked it up and read the cover article. Trust me when I tell you that it’s very unusual for me to be reading a Christian magazine.It was an interesting article. I read another then another and another. I then decided to check out the Christian employment ads since I had no idea what Christian employment was and had plenty of time to kill. I guess it’s true that God works in mysterious ways since I was feeling the stirrings of an idea rumbling around in the attic of my awareness. Now with a little co-operation from the Cosmos —. Karma must have been listening because like a bolt from the Heavens the ad to come teach English in China jumped out at me. My problem of how to enjoy my impending fourth childhood was solved. Being an American with an acute sense of adventure I thought this would be as good a place and situation as any to have a Golden Years Adventure. I applied to teach at a Chinese University. I was not seriously expecting a reply. Much to my amazement I was accepted. Two weeks later I was in The Middle Cosmos { China }That was how my  fourth childhood , my third career and my adventure in The Middle Cosmos began.

The Circle Of Strife

The Circle Of Strife

By Spacedteacher

When I first came to China I was a normal , fun loving , healthy American female with blond hair , blue eyes and white skin. After ten years in China I am perpetually confused , I have high blood pressure, my hair has turned white,my skin now appears yellow to me and my eyes have glazed over and spin in a counter clockwise direction. All of this is largely the fault of my Chinese students. My daughters tell me I’m beginning to look Chinese. They also tell me they can’t understand me anymore. I’m considering whether or not to be frightened by this. I’ve not made a definitive decision as yet.

In Chinese Mythology their country is known as The Middle Kingdom. They believe they are between Heaven and Hell. In their way of thinking China is paradise on Earth while waiting for  St. Peter to open The Pearly Gates. O.K. O.K. that is not the way the Chinese would express it but for a Western audience that is what they mean. Curiously they don’t even seem to consider the concept  that since they view  their country as between Heaven and Hell that perhaps they are not The High Church of Chinese Humanity but rather The Honky Tonk on Hell’s Highway. In any case I have a different name for their country. Considering that they live in their own chaotic twisted little universe I have named their country The Middle Cosmos. Buckle up Javshi it’s going to be a wild ride.

In America life was far easier with regards to life’s mundane chores than here in China. Here if I want to do even the simplest of life’s chores such as grocery shopping , local traveling , restaurant dining , laundry etc a meeting of The Committee of 17 { Local Branch }must be convened to discuss the matter in a subcommitte.It may be dangerous after all to let the lao wai  / foreigners loose in our cities to go shopping. This meeting may last anywhere from twenty minutes to three months depending upon how close to a meal time it is when you initially ask or possibly even more depending on the perceived complexity and danger of the given situation. Once The Committe of 17 {Local Branch}has made their decision they then must kick it upstairs to the National Committe. If the National Committe concurs with the Local Committe they then consult with The Ghost of Chairman Mao. If the Ghastly Apparition concurs then I may proceed according to their strict instructions and ALWAYS with the threat of ” step out of line and the man will come and take you away” shadowing my every move. If the answer is no an atom bomb wouldn’t change their minds. At that point I would let my Yankee Ingenuity take over and solve the problem without even telling them. That’s probably what the ” lao wai ” should always do but there is a danger in that philosophy. They will not be pleased if they catch you. You may become an involuntary organ donor. It’s generally a wise decision to at least try to play by their usually inane rules.

Ahhh the good life / hao ri zi. Those of you with the Chinese experience understand. Those of you that don’t have the Chinese experience I invite you to come visit or better yet take a working vacation and come teach for a year or two.

Once that charming and intoxicating Jardeen rose touches you you’ll never be the same.God works in  mysterious ways. I’ll get those damn Christian magazine publishers if it’s the last thing I do. lol

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