Dr. Schweitzer I Presume

Dear Readers :
As much as I’m sure it will shock some of you there is something I agree with Saint Obama about. It’s high time that our young people are required to provide their nation with  some compulsory service. We are the only civilized country as far as I know that does not require this of it’s young people. This does NOT necessarily need to be military service. Something along the lines of Saint Obama’s plan would be advisable. Please not not make the mistake of thinking I am specifically endorsing Saint Obama’s plan. God knows his vision of a group of American Brownshirts larger in number than our combined military forces and equally funded and answerable only to him scares the bejesus out of me. It’s the first step to Nazism. I do endorse the general idea of compulsory service though. In that regard I have a solution to the problem described in the article below.

While I do not begrudge Doctors and other allied health professionals making a good living since their education is so expensive and they are highly trained I also do not think health care should be viewed as solely a business.Call me old fashioned but I  think there should still be some humanitarian concerns involved in choosing and practicing in that career path. I think if your role model for this career is Bill Gates or Warren Buffett rather than Albert Schweitzer you are in the wrong field.

I propose that ALL Doctors and allied health care practitioners in fields that have shortages as described in the article below should be required to give two years of quality service to the nation BEFORE they can be licensed to practice in civilian society. If they refuse service then they will not be eligible for any federal loans or federal jobs and will be required to give service elsewhere. I really don’t care if they shovel pig shit in the Mississippi Delta for two years .They WILL serve under my system. Also if they choose not to give medical service but some other service then they will not be eligible for federal loans or jobs until twenty years after their alternate service is completed. It’s time to stop  babying these  ” professional ” career types and start treating them like all other members of society. Also keep in mind that women are already excused from having to register with Selective Service which is blatantly discriminatory why should they be excused from this program also?

I invite your comments.

Doctor Shortage Proves Obstacle to Obama Goals

By ROBERT PEAR

Published: April 26, 2009

WASHINGTON — Obama administration officials, alarmed at doctor shortages, are looking for ways to increase the supply of physicians to meet the needs of an aging population and millions of uninsured people who would gain coverage under legislation championed by the president.

Multimedia

Graphic

The officials said they were particularly concerned about shortages of primary care providers who are the main source of health care for most Americans.

One proposal — to increase Medicare payments to general practitioners, at the expense of high-paid specialists — has touched off a lobbying fight.

Family doctors and internists are pressing Congress for an increase in their Medicare payments. But medical specialists are lobbying against any change that would cut their reimbursements. Congress, the specialists say, should find additional money to pay for primary care and should not redistribute dollars among doctors — a difficult argument at a time of huge budget deficits.

Some of the proposed solutions, while advancing one of President Obama’s goals, could frustrate others. Increasing the supply of doctors, for example, would increase access to care but could make it more difficult to rein in costs.

The need for more doctors comes up at almost every Congressional hearing and White House forum on health care. “We’re not producing enough primary care physicians,” Mr. Obama said at one forum. “The costs of medical education are so high that people feel that they’ve got to specialize.” New doctors typically owe more than $140,000 in loans when they graduate.

Lawmakers from both parties say the shortage of health care professionals is already having serious consequences. “We don’t have enough doctors in primary care or in any specialty,” said Representative Shelley Berkley, Democrat of Nevada.

Senator Orrin G. Hatch, Republican of Utah, said, “The work force shortage is reaching crisis proportions.”

Even people with insurance have problems finding doctors.

Miriam Harmatz, a lawyer in Miami, said: “My longtime primary care doctor left the practice of medicine five years ago because she could not make ends meet. The same thing happened a year later. Since then, many of the doctors I tried to see would not take my insurance because the payments were so low.”

To cope with the growing shortage, federal officials are considering several proposals. One would increase enrollment in medical schools and residency training programs. Another would encourage greater use of nurse practitioners and physician assistants. A third would expand the National Health Service Corps, which deploys doctors and nurses in rural areas and poor neighborhoods.

Senator Max Baucus, a Montana Democrat and chairman of the Finance Committee, said Medicare payments were skewed against primary care doctors — the very ones needed to coordinate the care of older people with chronic conditions like congestive heart failure, diabetes and Alzheimer’s disease.

“Primary care physicians are grossly underpaid compared with many specialists,” said Mr. Baucus, who vowed to increase primary care payments as part of legislation to overhaul the health care system.

The Medicare Payment Advisory Commission, an independent federal panel, has recommended an increase of up to 10 percent in the payment for many primary care services, including office visits. To offset the cost, it said, Congress should reduce payments for other services, an idea that riles many specialists.

Dr. Peter J. Mandell, a spokesman for the American Association of Orthopaedic Surgeons, said: “We have no problem with financial incentives for primary care. We do have a problem with doing it in a budget-neutral way.

“If there’s less money for hip and knee replacements, fewer of them will be done for people who need them.”

The Association of American Medical Colleges is advocating a 30 percent increase in medical school enrollment, which would produce 5,000 additional doctors each year.

“If we expand coverage, we need to make sure we have physicians to take care of a population that is growing and becoming older,” said Dr. Atul Grover, the chief lobbyist for the association. “Let’s say we insure everyone. What next? We won’t be able to take care of all those people overnight.”

The experience of Massachusetts is instructive. Under a far-reaching 2006 law, the state succeeded in reducing the number of uninsured. But many who gained coverage have been struggling to find primary care doctors, and the average waiting time for routine office visits has increased.

“Some of the newly insured patients still rely on hospital emergency rooms for nonemergency care,” said Erica L. Drazen, a health policy analyst at Computer Sciences Corporation.

The ratio of primary care doctors to population is higher in Massachusetts than in other states.

Increasing the supply of doctors could have major implications for health costs.

“It’s completely reasonable to say that adding more physicians to the work force is likely to increase health spending,” Dr. Grover said.

But he said: “We have to increase spending to save money. If you give people better access to preventive and routine care for chronic illnesses, some acute treatments will be less necessary.”

In many parts of the country, specialists are also in short supply.

Linde A. Schuster, 55, of Raton, N.M., said she, her daughter and her mother had all had medical problems that required them to visit doctors in Albuquerque.

“It’s a long, exhausting drive, three hours down and three hours back,” Ms. Schuster said.

The situation is even worse in some rural areas. Dr. Richard F. Paris, a family doctor in Hailey, Idaho, said neighboring Custer County had no doctors, even though it is larger than the state of Rhode Island. So he flies in three times a month, over the Sawtooth Mountains, to see patients.

The Obama administration is pouring hundreds of millions of dollars into community health centers.

But Mary K. Wakefield, the new administrator of the Health Resources and Services Administration, said many clinics were having difficulty finding doctors and nurses to fill vacancies.Doctors trained in internal medicine have historically been seen as a major source of frontline primary care. But many of them are now going into subspecialties of internal medicine, like cardiology and oncology.

I think it would be good for medical professionals to experience THIS sort of life BEFORE they can practice their chosen fields in civilian society. I think it would keep them humble. That God Complex thing a lot of them have is a major pain in the ass

There Are None So Bland As Those That Will Not Be

Spaced Teacher’s Adventures In The Middle Cosmos

 

This woman is a ” Sister Of The Jardeen Rose” They are the sworn enemy of the HaNazee

There Are None So Bland As Those That Will Not Be

By Spaced Teacher

 

My first year in China I was working at a university near the Provincial Capital of a Central Chinese Province. This university was famous for  having the most foreign teachers of any university in China. To the best of my knowledge that is still true. They were also famous for being the lowest paid university  for foreigners in China. I did not know that at the time. I knew little of China of any substantive practical use.The vast majority of these teachers were Americans from all over the country.

Of the 95 teachers probably 80 were American. We also had teachers from Japan , S. Korea , Germany , England , Ireland , South Africa and France. It was a very interesting faculty.

Every year this university would have their Culture Day Festivities in Oct. The purpose of Culture Day was to expose these students most of whom were from the countryside and many of whom had never even seen a foreigner before to the various cultures of the countries of the faculty’s origins. There was going to be food , music  , dance , art , fashion , movies and virtually all aspects of the various cultures concerned. Also as Americans since we were the vast majority we were to also present our individual state’s cultures. Although I was chronologically advanced I was by Chinese experience standards very young. I actually thought this would be great fun and was looking forward to it. I couldn’t understand why some of the more experienced teachers were dreading it. After about a month of preparation Culture Day had arrived.

My personal assignment was to be one of The Clanton Gang in a re-enactment of The Shootout At The O.K. Corral. This university had a section of the campus that was designed to look like a European , probably Southern Italian  , city square. That is where the re-enactment took place. The first performance took place in the afternoon just as classes let out and the students were walking back to their dorms. None of the students knew what we were going to do. Picture twelve ” cowboys ” walking around a Chinese university campus made to look like an Italian town square. Needless to say these Chinese students were a bit confused. LoL The guns we were wearing in particular caught their attention. They didn’t know quite what to think. All of a sudden the guns started firing , the cowboys were screaming at each other people were ” dying ” in the street. All activity in that square came to a screeching halt. Abject looks of horror and terror and more than a bit of fright were etched on these students faces. After about five minutes when ” The Gunfight At The O.K. Corral ” was over all the ” dead ” cowboys rose and we all took a bow. It took a minute but the students finally realized what they had seen. We got a standing ovation.

That evening I went to see some of the other exhibits. I saw a demo of Western Swing Dancing by two very talented young people from the West of America. I saw a very nice photo exhibit of Tokyo architecture. I ate some Korean food. It was a very enjoyable evening. All the faculty had done a first rate job putting together a classy week for these kids.

The next morning in class I asked my students if they had seen ” The Shootout At The O.K. Corral “. Much to my amazement not a single one had. I asked if any of them had seen any of the other exhibits. Again to my amazement not a single one had bothered to see any exhibit. I was a bit pissed considering all the FREE time and effort we had put in to make this exciting for these kids but I figured since it was the first night of seven and maybe they were tired or had other plans I’d let it go. I went out that evening and saw more of the exhibits and had another wonderful time. I also kept an eye out for my students. Not a one anywhere I went.

I went in the next morning and asked them again if any of them had seen any of the exhibits. Again not a one. I was getting pissed. Why I asked? We are not interested they answered in unison. My tone changed dramatically as I instructed them why they needed to participate in Culture Day and how much fun they’d have. I also explained to them why it was rude on their part not to take advantage of this opportunity considering all the free time and effort their teachers had put in to make sure they had fun and learned something.. I told them I expected to start seeing them every night for the rest of the festival. Again that night I saw none of them. Again they just didn’t bother. I went to class the third day and informed them that it was now their homework assignment to go see one exhibit of their choosing every night for the rest of the festival and be prepared to speak about it in English in class. Begrudgingly about 10 % complied. The rest ignored me as usual. The rest failed the class miserably as they so richly deserved.

I was very pissed about their lack of courtesy and arrogance and let it be known to all concerned , them , the Administration , and my colleagues. One of the more senior of my colleagues took me aside one day and explained to me that the reason they wouldn’t participate was because they were afraid. I thought that assessment was bullshit then and I think so now.

Fast forward 4 years. I am now at a private school in the N.E. of China a whole lot smarter about China and Chinese culture. Being ever the optimist I figured I would at least give them the chance to be exposed to American culture. Again the same reaction. I had university level students ranging in age from 16  to 28 tell me with a straight face that they were not interested in going to  horseback riding , boating , hiking , bowling  or having a pic nic because they were afraid. Those things are dangerous was the general theme. Being older and wiser and having run into this phenomenon everywhere I had been in China I ignored my impulses to do anything of a fun or cultural nature with 95% of all my students from that point on.

Friends if you ever do decide to come to China and teach be prepared to hear the following from your students ” We want to learn about culture.” Do not fall for it. They do not want to learn about culture. The HaNazees in charge of the education system in China have taught them to say that. The reasoning is that it makes them look sophisticated and intelligent in front of the lao wai / foreigners. It never occurs to them that you must talk the talk and walk the walk. It doesn’t take the lao wai / foreigners long to figure out that they have no interest in walking the walk.

You will be told that the reason they don’t participate in cultural things is that they are afraid. Do not fall for this either. The real reason is based in arrogance , stubbornness and laziness. If it’s not Chinese culture they are not interested. If it requires a bit of work and participation on their part they are also not interested.

I find it very sad that in this day and age when China is opening up to the world the vast majority of Chinese students choose to beat themselves both culturally and academically before they even play the game. Sad indeed.

I can tell you based upon vast personal experience that Chinese university students are the most boring people on the face of the planet. Avoid socializing with them at all costs if you want to keep your sanity.

“The Adventures Of Spaced Teacher In The Middle Cosmos { China }” are a collection of short stories based upon my actual experiences.They are written from the point of view of an American ” lao wai” { foreigner}. As is the case with all of humanity’s gardens there are flowers AND weeds.The Chinese garden is no different in that regard , they have flowers in the form of the Jardeen Roses and Jasmine and crabgrass in the form of the HaNazees. I try to weed the crabgrass while focusing on and accentuating the Jardeen Rose and Jasmine .

I have taken only the barest minimum of poetic license in an effort to make these stories more enjoyable to read for you. Trust me when I tell you it happened 99 % exactly as I tell it. All names have been fictionalized to protect the guilty from legal action be that civil or criminal and to protect the innocent from the guilty and most importantly to protect the author , yours truly , from the crabgrass in the Chinese garden. Those HaNazee can be vicious bastards!! lol

The HaNazee are well known for having an aversion to the spelling and grammar challenged among us. These guys are in the employ of the HaNazee.

All characters , plot lines , fictional places , and anything else even remotely associated with these stories is the intellectual property of Spaced Teacher D.B.A. Bea Wildered Enterprises and may not be used without the express written consent of the aforementioned Spaced one or Bea herself.

Coffee and Rose

The Jardeen Roses Of Li Tan

This Lady is a ” Sister Of The Jardeen Rose “

The ” Sisters Of The Jardeen Rose ” are the sworn enemies of the HaNazees

“Coffee and Rose”

AND

“ Puff The Magic Dragon vs Freddy Kreuger ”

By Spaced Teacher

The sexy , sensual aroma of her Kona essence was calling to me. Her scent drifted into my semi-concious state and gently caressed me. I could not resist Coffee!! Her powers are seductive and addictive. I must go to her as a good lover should!!

I sat at the kitchen table and said good morning to my Chinese girlfriend Meigui.

 Before I could even greet Coffee, Rose A.K.A. Meigui asked me directly if I was O.K. This was a cause for great concern my friends. You see Chinese people never ask or do anything directly , especially when it concerns a “lao wai”. If you’ve been following the story you will know that this concept originated with Emperor Wo Bu Zhi Dao , the first HaNazee Emperor of China. If a Chinese person asks you if you are hungry you are always supposed to say no. Even if you are hungry. It’s the polite thing to do.After you have said you are not hungry they will ask you where you would like to eat. It’s the polite thing to do. Only then can you really decide if either of you is really hungry and whether or not you’d like to eat and where. After the meal will come the whole 20 minute argument about who will pay the bill. That will be a story for another time.Remember readers that when it comes to dealing with “lao wai” Chinese people have been taught to always obfuscate, frustrate,delay,misdirect and anger the “lao wai”. This has to do with some of their religious /philosophical teachings such as “Lucidity Is The Enemy” and always sow seeds of chaos and ignorance from “The Garden Of Chaos” and “The Forrest Of Ignorance”!! This Emperor Wo Bu Zhi Dao was a real piece of work and is a constant pain in my ass!!

So considering that Meigui asked me about my health abruptly with no subtlety at all was very out of character for a Chinese woman and thusly a cause of serious concern for me I was deeply troubled. I needed to get answers quickly!! How to do that? I have not learned this ” obfuscate , delay , frustrate , misdirect, anger” game’s subtleties yet. What would I do? How could I gt the answers I needed? It was then that the ” American Voice Of Reason” who sublets a small apartment in my mind spoke to me. “Roll the dice Rimnak!!” So I did.

“Meigui / Rose why are you concerned about my health?” ” “Last night you tossed and turned all night. You must have been having nightmares. You were also talking in your sleep.”  Interesting I thought.And maybe a bit scary. ” What was I saying” I asked Meigui. ” All night long you kept screaming “I don’t know” “I don’t” understand” WoW I thought. I got a direct answer to a direct question from a Chinese person!! I was now very concerned for two reasons. The first one was because Emperor Wo Bu Zhi Dao also instructed his followers to  behave in a rational way from time to time. This was done to keep the “lao wai” off balance. It happens about twenty per cent of the time. The second was because the Emperor also made his followers swear an oath to him when he rebuked Sheng Di’s authority and set up his own Kingdom in the Eastern Badlands. That oath was ” Wo Bu Zhi Dao” or in your English language ” I Don’t Know”.

Emperor Wo Bu Zhi Dao is going to find out soon courtesy of Sheng Di

Oh my God !! What was going on here. Was I unbeknownst even to my self a follower of Emperor Wo Bu Zhi Dao? Was some evil HaNazee spirit sent to steal my soul for EmperorWo Bu Zhi Dao’s Kingdom?
Now I was horribly frightened!! I needed help. Should I seek a priest? Was this my own personal “Exorcist” movie? I didn’t know it at the time but there was something far more evil than an “Exorcist” scenario going on here.

It was then that I smelled the soft delicate scent of roses and jasmine. A Sister was near!! Bless Sheng Di I shouted. Praise Li Tan!!! I immediately set out some rose and jasmine incense to seek the Sister.She came to me. I didn’t need to say a word to her. She knew my troubles. And this was what she said to me.

Say the prayer and The Dragon will come.

The Jardeen Roses Of Li Tan

This Lady is a ” Sister Of The Jardeen Rose

The ” Sisters Of The Jardeen Rose ” are the sworn enemies of the HaNazees

Puff The Magic Dragon vs Freddy Kreuger

By Spaced Teacher

.
Oh mighty Dragon of Hannah Li by The Graces Of “The Sisters And Brothers Of The Jardeen Rose And Jasmine” I seek thine protection”

There the prayer had been said. I must admit though that I was a bit confused. I had heard of the legend of this Dragon. What did he have to do with my problem? No one had even heard from him in about 30 years? In spite of my faith in “The Sisters And Brothers” a kernel of doubt was beginning to form in the husk of my faith.

So now what? I waited!! about 5 minutes went by and then right there in my living room a giant puff of smoke and he was sitting in my reclining chair!!! “Fear not child.” he said to me. “The Sisters” have told me of your disturbing visions. You have nothing to be alarmed about. You are now under the protection of the ” Dragon’s Of The Gardens And Forests.” And then the enlightenment began.

I learned from the Dragon that when The evil Emperor Wo Bu Zhi Dao was cast out of Righteous Jardeen Nation by Sheng Di for his rebellion against her and exiled to live in The Eastern Badlands he hatched a secret plot. Or so he thought it was secret. He took 100 members of “The Brothers And Sisters of Jardeen Ignorance And Chaos” and formed two secret battalions. Not even the other “Brothers And Sisters Of Jardeen Ignorance And Chaos” know of these battalions. But Sheng Di already did and so did “The Sisters And Brothers Of The Chinese Rose And Jasmine.” Emperor Wo Bu Zhi Dao charged these battalions with sowing the seeds of ignorance and chaos in a new previously unseen way. It was especially devious even for Emperor Wo Bu Zhi Dao!! He charged “The Brothers and Sisters Of Jardeen Ignorance” with sowing the seeds of ignorance by attacking Sheng Di’s believers known as “The Kindred Spirits” by day. If you find your self walking around all day talking to yourself , wasting time , forgetting where you put things. saying pointlessly to every question asked of you” I don’t know” or “I don’t understand” etc etc you are probably under attack by “The Brothers And Sisters Of Jardeen Ignorance” . “The Brothers And Sisters Of Jardeen Chaos” were charged with attacking “The Kindred Spirits” by night.” They had a particularly nasty tactic. They appeared in “The Kindred Spirits” dreams by night to sow the seeds of ignorance and chaos. If you talk in your sleep especially if you say things like ” I don’t know” or I don’t understand” you are probably under attack by “The Sisters And Brothers Of Jardeen Chaos.” This was done with the goal of weakening “The Kindred Spirits” faith in Sheng Di enough so that Emperor Wo Bu Zhi Dao could finally be rid of that infernal lao wai Jardeen God and “The Sisters And Brothers Of The Jardeen Rose And Jasmine” as an added bonus.

Sheng Di sitting high in the Divinely cloud shrouded Yellow Mountains was ready for this attack. She quietly without fanfare released her forces. The battle was joined on a new front. Sheng Di had taken 100 of the most devout “Kindred Spirits” and given them Divine protection. She Called them “The Dragons Of The Gardens And Forrests”. They were her High Priests. Whenever they appear to a “Kindred Spirit” under attack they will come in the form of a dragon. Pretty good I.D. protection I think. Would you agree? Sheng Di having a Divine sense of humor commanded that the leader of the Dragons be named Puff. She probably did this just to mind fuck Emperor Wo Bu Zhi Dao.

Well my initial instincts were coming true. This wasn’t “The Exorcist”. There was no Jardeenic spirit trying to steal my soul for Emperor Wo Bu Zhi Dao. My worst fears were realized . I was right . This was something far more evil in it’s nature. This was some HaNazee Freddy Kreuger trying to steal my sanity for Emperor Wo Bu Zhi Dao. A ” Nightmare On Some Dreary Dismal HaNazee Elm St.” if you will.

Take heart my friends. I have no fear. And you needn’t either. I have the ” The Sisters And Brothers Of The Jardeen Rose And Jasmine” “The Dragons Of The Gardens And Forrests” and Sheng Di herself on my side!! I can’t be beaten!!!

Friends whenever you feel you are under attack by the forces of chaos and ignorance always praise Sheng Di , seek “The Sisters And Brothers Of The Jardeen Rose And Jasmine” and invoke the name of Puff The Magic Dragon. And you will be unbeatable also.

By the Grace of Li Tan

May peace be upon you.

Readers please be aware that these stories of ” Spaced Teacher’s Adventures In The Middle Cosmos { China } are written in two different threads. ” Spaced Teacher Battles The Yellow Knights Of The HaNazee ” are the true stories of my experiences here in The Middle Cosmos while ” The Jardeen Roses Of Li Tan” is my FICTIONAL re-write of 5,000 years of Chinese history , mythology and culture from a foreigner’s perspective.You’re probably thinking ” My God how presumptuous of him.” Trust me somebody had to do it. They’ve had 5,000 years to get the job done and they just keep screwing it up. We trust our readers to be able to distinguish between the two topic threads contained within the story. That may be a giant leap of faith on the author’s ,my ,part. I write the damn story and there are days I can’t remember which thread is which. The Middle Cosmos has a way of confusing the most rational clear thinking people. It’s part of the price you must pay for the experiences of living here. As is the case with all of humanity’s gardens there are flowers and weeds. The Chinese garden is no different in that regard , they have flowers in the form of the Jardeen Roses and Jasmine and crabgrass in the form of the HaNazee. I try to weed the crabgrass while focusing on and accentuating the Jardeen Roses and Jasmine. I have taken only the barest minimum of poetic license in an effort to make these stories more enjoyable to read for you. Trust me when I tell you it happened 99 % exactly as I tell it. All names have been fictionalized to protect the guilty from legal action be that civil or criminal and to protect the innocent from the guilty and most importantly to protect the author , yours truly , from the crabgrass in the Chinese garden. Those HaNazee can be vicious bastards!! lol The HaNazee are well known for having an aversion to the spelling and grammar challenged among us so be careful with your grammar and spelling you never know when The HaNazee Grammar Master #1 or The HaNazee Spelling Misstress # 7 are watching.

All characters , plot lines , fictional places , and anything else even remotely associated with these stories is the intellectual property of Spaced Teacher D.B.A. Bea Wildered Enterprises and may not be used without the express written consent of the aforementioned Spaced One or Bea herself.

I hope that ” Spaced Teacher’s Adventures In The Middle Cosmos ” will soon become an epic novel of adventure and conquest. If you are or know a literary agent that would be interested in publishing this please have him contact Bea. He / she can just leave a comment about one of the blog posts and Bea will see it and reply . Bea is not Lucidly Challenged ALL the time !!!

Cracker Nation Signs Endorsement Deal

BREAKING NEWS !!! BREAKING NEWS !!!

Cracker Nation Broadcasting Corp.

Dateline : Wall St. N.Y.C.

CLOUTUS { Cracker Leader Of The U.S. } Mr. Matt  ” Cracker ” Morgan announced today that Cracker Nation signed their first promotional deal  with Phillips Milk Of Magnesia. When asked for comment on why he signed the deal with the Phillips Milk of Magnesia folks CLOTUS  replied thusly : ”  If  Barack  Obama  ,Nancy Pelosi , Harry Reid , Barney Frank , The Congressional Black Caucus , The Congressional Hispanic Caucus , Rahm Emmanuel , Hilliary Clinton et tal don’t scare the shit out of you then you need another solution. As part of the endorsement deal the Phillips Milk of Magnesia folks are giving all citizens of Cracker Nation a 30 % discount on all of their products. Please get your discount cards at your local Cracker Barrel restaurant. We look forward to a long and mutually rewarding business relationship with the Phillips people.”

Reporting live for Cracker News Broadcasting Corp  the OTHER CNBC   from Wall St. N.Y.C.   Melissa ” Squirts ” Hogan

Flour to the Crackers !! We SHALL bake !!!

Now go spread your crumbs around Crakers!!!

Inspiration for this story came from Cracker Jackie Russo

Cracker Solidarity

Breaking News !!!! Breaking News !!!! CNBC  { Cracker Nation Broadcasting Corp. }

Confidential sources inform CNBC that Skippy Peanut Butter Co. Smuckers Preserves and Wonder Bread have formed an alliance against the recent Nationalization of The Pillsbury and Gold Medal Flower Companies by the Rye Krisp In Charge. When asked to comment on this new alliance by CNBC  Thomas A. Grape the C.E.O. of Smuckers Preserves replied thusly  ” The Rye Krisp In Charge must not be allowed to get away with this act. A fundamental change to the American way  of life such as this is dangerous to The Republic. Us Crackers need to stick together like peanut butter and jelly .”

Corporate jets have flown the beloved American icons such as Mrs. Fields , Famous Amos , Sara Lee ,  Mrs. Butterworth and Aunt Jemima to safety out of reach of the Rye Krisp In Chief. Ben and Jerry have refused the generous offer of sanctuary offered by their colleagues. When asked by CNBC for a comment as to why they replied as follows : ” We are not bakers so we will not oppose RKIC. “

Stay tuned to CNBC for more details as they emerge.

Reporting for CNBC from Smuckers H.Q. in Plum Grove Oregon Wilhemina Baldwin Apple

Flour to the Crackers !!! We SHALL bake !!!

Inspiration for this story came from Cracker Kimmie. Spread those crumbs around Cracker Kimmie.

Keebler Stocks Soar — Keebler Elves Party !!!

Today in economic news CNBC economic correspondent Paul Younghans has THE story of the day.

Thanks in all probability to the publicity generated by the recent ill advised actions of The New Black Panther Party Keebler stocks have skyrocketed. When asked for a quote on this most unpleasant event from the perspective of The New Black Panthers Mr. Malik Zulu Shabazz A.K.A. The Bronze Buckeroo said the following. ” We are ready to rumble with them Cracker Elves. See you under the bridge.”

Reporting live for CNBC from The Keebler Elves Hut in Green Bay Wisconsin Paul Younghans

In the picture above one of the Keebler Elves is seen asking The Bronze Buckeroo a question.