Carved In Stone !! HaNazee Style !!


Spaced Teacher’s Adventures In The Middle Cosmos


This Lady is a ” Sister Of The Jardeen Rose.”

The Sisters Of The Jardeen Rose ” are the sworn enemies of the HaNazee

The Ten Commandments Of The HaNazee Faith

By Spaced Teacher

Dear Readers :

Today I will discuss the history and reasoning behind The Ten Commandments Of The HaNazee Faith.

1. Always obfuscate , delay , intimidate and generally frustrate the  ” lao wai”{ foreigners} in all dealings.

This Commandment originates as all of them do from the time of the first HaNazee Emperor,Wo Bu Zhi Dao.The reasoning was that since at that time there were about 400 “lao wai” in the land of the HaNazee and the Emperor knew of their strength power and intelligence he was very fearful of  them. He thought that those 400 might take over his kingdom. He also suspected that they were followers of that infernal ” lao wai” God known to the HaNazees,as Sheng Di.The best defense he could devise with the limited resources at his disposal at the time was to confuse and frustrate the ” lao wai”. Don’t laugh this strategy has worked generally well  for 5,000 years. It has survived the ages and is still a part of HaNazee tactics when dealing either with individual lao wai or with lao wai countries.



2. Think rationally 20% of the time.

Now to the ” lao wai” mind this seems to be in contravention of Commandment #1. Quite to the contrary. It’s actually in conjunction with Commandment # 1. Consider it carefully Pilgrim. If you are a ” lao wai”{ foreigner} who is used to dealing with unvarnished stupidity and then suddenly you get rational lucid thought and efficient and polite service wouldn’t it confuse you at least in the short term?


Never hire or promote anybody , especially a woman , based upon merit.



Since that infernal lao wai God Sheng Di was a female personae Emperor Wo Bu Zhi Dao had an inherent hatred of women. This Commandment evolves from his misogyny. He viewed all gyno – HaNazee as demons and evil spirts. HaNazee men are firm believers in this attitude. Surprisingly many HaNazee women are also.It also is related to other Commandments which we will deal with in due course.

Always sow the Seeds of Ignorance and Chaos. I will discuss this in great detail in the upcoming Episodes ” HaNazee Mythology For Dummies” and ” The Tribe Of The 57 th Flower”






Always kill or imprison ” The Sisters Of The Jardeen Rose” whenever they are confronted. I will also discuss this in great length in the chapters I mentioned in the preceding Commandment.


Never educate your people. Always rely on  a juvenile style of nationalistic indoctrination to maintain control of your populace.


Educated people are troublesome and a threat to ” Social Stability”. Indoctrinated people will do anything or hurt anybody for any reason as long as they are told by their HaNazee leaders that their actions are good for the Glorious HaNazee  Motherland. Now to the Western mind this seem so stupid as to be dismissed out of hand but believe me the HaNazee ” common folks” fall for this stupidity every time. This strategy is very effective. I can assure you Emperor Wo Bu Zhi Dao knew his people well.

NEVER show drive ambition or creative thought.

The typical HaNazee solution. lol

If you do this somebody might actually expect something of you. Or worse yet your HaNazee boss will think you are after his / her job.You may find your self in Columbus , Ohio U.S.A. consigned to eating Mexican food for the rest of your life very quickly.


“Plowing The Field” should take no more than eight minutes.

This Commandment is also known as ” The HaNazee Man’s Guide To Lovemaking”. Again because of Emperor Wo Bu Zhi Dao’s hatred of women they do not have any status or rights in the HaNazee social order. There is no need therefore to treat your wife as a valued partner. There is no need to please her sexually. Sex for the HaNazee male is like plowing a very small field. Get  in , do your thing , plant your seed and move on to more important things like lunch or ping pong.



 

 

Claim all lands as being HaNazee lands originally.



The HaNazee Nation has a 5,000 year history of culture and civilization. Their civilization has been around , according to them , much longer than anybody else’s therefore all lands must have been HaNazee at one time.”If we just claim it and tell the lao wai about our 5,000 year old civilization and remind them that we have 1.5. billion people we might get lucky and some of them may just kow tow without a fight.” is the thinking with regard to this Commandment. It’s worth a shot from their perspective I guess.


Point the “HaNazee Finger Of Shame” at as many lao wai and lao wai countires as possible.

The reasoning for this Commandment is simple. A good offense is the best defense. Emperor Wo Bu Zhi Dao was paranoid , delusional and an all around general pain in the ass but he wasn’t stupid.

 

Do not let fact , well reasoned thinking and critical analysis be a deciding factor in when you point ” The HaNazee Finger Of Shame” or which lao wai or lao wai country you point it at.Most importantly do not worry about the consequences of your actions. In most cases there will be none since most lao wai do not give a damn about anything the HaNazees have to say. If somebody gets hurt well it’s o.k. because it was all for the Glorious HaNazee Motherland.

Nothing or nobody in all of HaNazeeland may move faster than” The Napping Panda Of Sichuan”.


There will be much more on this in upcoming chapters. For now I’ll just tell you that Emepror Wo Bu Zhi Dao was deathly afraid that if his people became too ambitious  , efficient and educated they would revolt and toss him and his cronies out of the Palace.He would then need to get the one thing that all HaNazees , especially the men,fear the most. A real job!!!In the dreaded private sector !!!He wasn’t about to let that happen!!

Never fight a lao wai fairly. Always be part of a mob when fighting a lao wai.

If you fight a lao wai fairly and lose which is highly likely, it’s bad P.R. for The Glorious HaNazee Motherland. If however you fight as a mob and 60 of you defeat 3 lao wai that can always be “spun” by the HaNazee Propaganda Apparatus as an overwhelming victory for The Glorious HaNazee Nation.If you do not believe this just ask the S. Koreans they have intimate knowledge of the HaNazee mob mentality. They also know how to deal with it very effectively.





Thou shalt have no God or leader more revered than Emperor Wo BuZhi Dao.

This man was demonically brilliant!!! To this day he is a constant pain in the ass to the civilized world.


Always spend 8 Kwai and ride the bus across town for two hours to save 5 jiao {.5Kwai} on eggs.

I don’t know the reason for this one. I’ve seen many HaNazees do it though. I’ve even asked some of my HaNazee acquaintances about it. All they can or will tell me is that it is one of The Commandments but they don’t know the reasoning. I have no idea if they are telling me the truth or not. I wouldn’t be surprised either way. I think this might relate to Commandments 1 and 2.

Always mock and belittle the handicapped especially the lysdexic.

This is exactly the type of ignorant attitude the HaNazee have towards the handicapped

The handicapped and other physically and mentally challenged people are viewed as a shame upon the family and nation in HaNazee culture. They are incredibly cruel people in this regard. I don’t know what their particular problem with lysdexia is. One of the mysteries of life I guess.

Promote soy food products in all lao wai lands.

The HaNazee have known for thousands of years that soy causes the feminization of men.They figure that if they can turn all lao wai men into women then when war comes the lao wai will be easier to defeat.Obviously the Emperor didn’t know about our Amazon Battalions who are at their fiercest when their friend comes to pay a visit.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


 

 

 

Be a good speller

Spelling Master # 1 where are you. We have a spelling offender for   you to deal with.

They think this impresses the lao wai. I can assure you that it doesn’t. As usual with the HaNazees it’s all stile and no substance.Where is The Spelling Mistress # 1? We have a level 6 Spelling Offender that need re-education.


Always maintain good relations with the lao wai / foreign nation of Carrefours. { France }


I guess it’s not surprising that two nations that haven’t won a war in hundreds of years would form a natural kinship.A sort of ” Alliance Of Losers” as it were.



Always keep your head firmly tucked up your ass!!!

This goes back to that eternal fuckwit Emperor Wo Bu Zhi Dao’s worldview yet again. The deluded Emperor firmly believed that all lao wai nations were evil. He didn’t want any of his people being infected with their ideas such as human rights , Democracy , proper sanitation , Western plumbing , Kentucky Fried Chicken , Rock n Roll Music , a work ethic , morals etc etc. He was especially fearful of them knowing the truth of that infernal meddling troublesome lao wai God Sheng Di. His remedy for this problem was that his people should be commanded to have a world view that is rooted in keeping your head firmly tucked up your ass. To this day HaNazees don’t believe there is any nation other than The Glorious HaNazee Empire. Emperor Wo Bu Zhi Dao and his people are a pimple on the asshole of progress. These folks suffer from terminal fecal occulus A.K.A. shitty outlook. They are mentally constipated.


I hope this explanation of The Ten Commandments Of The HaNazee
” Faith” improved your understanding of the HaNazee culture and the psyche of the HaNazee mind. I don’t know about you but I’m not at all surprised that their cats are the only ones that understand them.

HaNazee cats must be very intelligent. LoL

We shall speak again soon Pilgrim.May the Grace of Li Tan be upon you.


Until then

Zai jian  / goodbye

Mystery Girl 

“The Adventures Of Spaced Teacher In The Middle Cosmos { China }” are a collection of short stories based upon my actual experiences.They are written from the point of view of an American ” lao wai” { foreigner}. As is the case with all of humanity’s gardens there are flowers AND weeds.The Chinese garden is no different in that regard , they have flowers in the form of the Jardeen Roses and Jasmine and crabgrass in the form of the HaNazees. I try to weed the crabgrass while focusing on and accentuating the Jardeen Rose and Jasmine .

I have taken only the barest minimum of poetic license in an effort to make these stories more enjoyable to read for you. Trust me when I tell you it happened 99 % exactly as I tell it. All names have been fictionalized to protect the guilty from legal action be that civil or criminal and to protect the innocent from the guilty and most importantly to protect the author , yours truly , from the crabgrass in the Chinese garden. Those HaNazee can be vicious bastards!! lol

The HaNazee are well known for having an aversion to the spelling and grammar challenged among us. These guys are in the employ of the HaNazee.

All characters , plot lines , fictional places , and anything else even remotely associated with these stories is the intellectual property of Spaced Teacher D.B.A. Bea Wildered Enterprises and may not be used without the express written consent of the aforementioned Spaced one or Bea herself.

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The Russians Are Coming !!! The Russians Are Coming !!!


D.D. Lumix’s China Travel Blog

                The Russians Are Coming!! The Russians Are Coming!! { To Dinner}

By D.D. Lumix With A Little Help From Her ” Owner ” Spaced Teacher

This past Easter I had a rather profound religious experience here in Qiqihar. The Russian Orthodox Lady teachers at my university invited me to join them for Easter dinner. They took me to a very nice restaurant in downtown Qiqihar. The restaurant they chose was a bit of an upscale establishment. The ambience and food was wonderful. The service was excellent. Still there was something amiss. I noticed it immediately . Why all the Crescent Moon decorations? Why were the menus written in Arabic? Apparently the ladies did not . lol

Let’s just say that Easter dinner in a Muslim restaurant was an interesting experience. LoL It was such delicious irony. The dessert of this irony was that it was apparently totally lost on the Russian ladies.
I love Russian women.

GOD bless Mother Russia!!!

This doesn’t look like Brussells !

Sheoda {Japan } John { America } Doosik { S. Korea } The two Chinese people are the restaraunt owners.

“The Adventures Of Spacedteacher In The Middle Cosmos { China }” are a collection of short stories based upon my actual experiences.They are written from the point of view of an American ” lao wai” { foreigner}. As is the case with all of humanity’s gardens there are flowers AND weeds.The Chinese garden is no different in that regard , they have flowers in the form of the Jardeen Roses and Jasmine and crabgrass in the form of the HaNazees. I try to weed the crabgrass while focusing on and accentuating the Jardeen Rose and Jasmine .

I have taken only the barest minimum of poetic license in an effort to make these stories more enjoyable to read for you. Trust me when I tell you it happened 99 % exactly as I tell it. All names have been fictionalized to protect the guilty from legal action be that civil or criminal and to protect the innocent from the guilty and most importantly to protect the author , yours truly , from the crabgrass in the Chinese garden. Those HaNazee can be vicious bastards!! lol

All characters , plot lines , fictional places , and anything else even remotely associated with these stories is the intellectual property of Spaced Teacher D.B.A. Bea Wildered Enterprises and may not be used without the express written consent of the aforementioned Spaced one or Bea herself.

Spielberg Chan And The Empress’s Wedding


Spaced Teacher’s Adventures In The Middle Cosmos                    

By Spaced Teacher

                                          

Dalian is a beautiful coastal city Liaoning Province. Due to it’s magnificent natural beauty and sophisticated life style it’s fast becoming a haven for ” lao wai ” / foreigners. There is also an abundance of feminine beauty.

Probably because of these factors and the fact that the Chinese have a naturally dramatic sense of  style Dalian attracts a lot of creative Chinese folks seeking careers in  the movie / tv and photographic fields as well as tourists who appreciate beauty of all types..

  Last October on the National Day { Independence Day } break I had seven days off and was looking for a quickie vacation where I could just chill out and relax for a bit. Since I had been hearing a lot of good reports about Dalian and since it was only a 2 hour plane ride away I booked  a vacation. I was not going to be disappointed. I had a very fun adventure which I’m now going to tell you about.   Ringing Dalian are two coastal roads running in East and West directions. One of them is about 36 KM long. The other is about 20 km. Both of them go over the mountains that come right to the ocean’s edge. It’s a great place to go hiking and that’s exactly what I did. Off I went with my camera , camcorder and a days supplies of munchies and drinks and some warm clothes in case I got stranded. It can get a bit cool at night. Along one of these roads is a Medieval English looking castle. It is so out of place architecturally in China that your eye can’t help but gravitate to it. Since this whole road is breathtakingly romantic there are also lots of very high priced hotels.There is this one very expensive hotel that sits right in the shadow of the castle. It’s a very popular place for weddings and wedding photographs.Bear in mind that because of the one child policy in China if you have money it is a great status symbol to be able to give your son or daughter a wedding in one of these hotels.The Little Emperor / Empress syndrome if you will .Nothing but the best will do. If you can afford the best then  you MUST have the best. The neighbors will be green with envy don’t you know. I just happened to be passing by one night and ran into one of these celebrations. I didn’t know it at the time but the GREAT Spielberg Chan was the photographer of this event. I figured since it was a public place I had every right to poach a few photographs . I was not obtrusive at all with one little exception that I asked permission for . The bride was gracious enough to consent to my request. Spielberg Chan being a contentious artiste was not happy with me. Spielberg Chan’s displeasure with me considering who and what he is was of little concern to me. I decided to watch a bit. Spielberg went into his schtick.

  He turned her head this way and that , he straightened her dress , he adjusted her corsage , he had the technicians moving the equipment  , adjusting the light meters , he fixed the grooms tie , he posed the bride  this way and that , he posed the groom this way and that , he posed the bride and groom together this way and that. On and on this went for 30 minutes. It wasn’t hard to tell that everybody was getting highly agitated with Spielberg Chan including me. Now you all know how highly entertaining and creative Americans can be when they are pointlessly agitated. If you’re going to have a video / photo shoot in a public place and tie up the streets and access to the shops at least be quick about it and entertain the local folks while you’re at it. I was plotting my revenge. Finally it was time to shoot the video. Spielberg starting shooting and so did my camcorder. As I said earlier it was a public place. Nothing wrong with poaching some photos and  video. It was time for D.D. Lumix and her cousin Cam Corder to make an appearance.lol Spielberg didn’t notice that I was taking photos probably because I was standing a bit far away. That was not acceptable so I moved closer, much closer , and took out Cam. I had his attention now. He saw Cam’s light go on. Cut!!! he waited 5 minutes and tried again.  He said action , on went my camcorder. CUT!! This little game went on for about 10 -12 sequences or about 30 minutes. Finally when I could see that Spielberg Chan was sufficiently agitated I left him to his own devices.As I walked away I could hear and see Spielberg Chan’s crew chuckling. Apparently the American was more entertaining than the great Spielberg Chan was.

  I realize that artistes have a contentious nature but the Chinese artiste , probably because of his naturally meticulous Chinese nature , is a major pain in the ass. Spielberg Chan certainly deserved a gold star in that category. Somebody needs to tell them that they are not ALL the next John Woo!! lol

The English Castle you saw in the photo above is actually a sea shell museum. It was in the shadow of this castle that Spielberg Chan and I had our little battle.

The slide show below is of the Dalian Coastal Road where these types of wedding shoots are constantly taking place. It is a very romantic area. Spielberg Chan has good taste that way. lol

Annie Oakley Conquers HaNazeeland OR The Harmonious Society Restored


Spacedteacher’s Adventure’s In The Middle Cosmos


This Lady is a ” Sister Of The Jardeen Rose.”


The ” Sisters Of The Jardeen Rose ” are the sworn enemies of the HaNazees


Annie Oakley Conquers HaNazeeland

or

The Harmonious Society Restored

By Spacedteacher


The plot was conceived in the Spring of 1993. It will come to fruition soon!! Much sooner than my HaNazee pengyou / friends would believe possible. Your days are numbered Comrades!!!

The first step was to infiltrate various environmental and animal rights groups. They wanted to slowly, silently and efficiently destabilize the HaNazee traditional medicine market by lawfully regulating the flow of such necessary products as rhino horns , bear gall bladders , and tiger penises. This tactic was designed as a ruse to divert the HaNazee government’s attention from the real plot.A secondary reasoning for this tactic was to confuse the populace. It worked like a charm. For 15 years the HaNazee government spent enormous amounts of funds , effort and time fighting this  problem.The HaNazee populace walked around vacantly for 15 years stammering wo bu ming bai / I don’t understand. While this was all going on they launched the next phase of their plan. They planted the invasion cells under the guise of being lao wai { foreign }teachers at HaNazee universities. For fifteen years they equipped and trained their ” Blue Boys ” Commandos.And now the time has drawn near. Soon very soon the plot will come to fruition.

To a HaNazee restaurant near you.

Operation ” Restore The Harmonious Society ” mission briefing.

 

We will attack at lunch time. Squadrons of specially trained and highly skilled vicious American Cub Scouts will quietly descend upon every restaurant in HaNazeeland.These Cub Scouts affectionately and reverently

HaNazees !!! locked and loaded!!

known by the American people as “Blue Boys” are under the Command of Den Mother Annie Oakley The Fourth.

Air and tactical support will be provided by The Japanese Defense Ministry with assistance from The Taiwan Defense Forces.The French of course will provide absolutely no help. By the time the HaNazees are finished with their dofu and chicken feet entrees followed by baiju chasers there will be NEW leadership in HaNazeeland. Gan bei Comrades. Hao che ma?

Gan bei / Cheers !!!

The HaNazees say they are Communists but when it comes right down to it they are capitalists. lol

 

Should the HaNazee government or populace put up any resistance they will be sent to re-education camps immediately. These camps will be located at Carrefours Markets all over Hanazeeland and Tibet and will be supervised by The Dalai Lama. They will be taught the joys of French wine and brie , Italian pasta and pastries ,German streudel and sausage, Japanese sushi , Korean kimchee and Tibetan yak butter while listening to British broadcasts of the B.B.C.News and Enoch Powell speeches.

The ” wolf in monk’s clothing ” lol

BE WARNED !!! YOU WILL ASSIMILATE!! RESISTANCE IS FUTILE!!!smile_angry

Nimen  you mei wen ti./ You have no problem. Den Mother Annie Oakley The Fourth will be the new Provisional Military Leader of HaNazeeland. Do Not worry!! You will like her. Her chocolate chip cookies keep the whole neighborhood happy. And they will keep you wired!!After 6 months there will be an election in which all HaNazee citizens will be allowed to vote for their new foreign leader.I hope you will all participate.


Now I would like to take a moment to wish the “Blue Boys” and Den

Mother Annie Oakley The Fourth and our Japanese and Taiwanese friends good luck. Ladies and Gentlemen I know you’ll make us proud. A side word to our French allies. Continue practicing your surrender.

Welcome to The New New HaNazeeland. Conquered in 2 hours by a few squadrons of American Cub Scouts. Glory to the Glorious New Motherland!!
Conquest by Cub Scouts, the children of your lao wai teachers and chocolate chip cookies!!

Damn that C.I.A. is GOOD.


At last HaNazeeland will have the “Joyous Harmony” they have craved for 5,000 years.

Peace and joyous harmony at last.

Under American leadership.

“The Adventures Of Spacedteacher In The Middle Cosmos { China }” are a collection of short stories based upon my actual experiences.They are written from the point of view of an American ” lao wai” { foreigner}. As is the case with all of humanity’s gardens there are flowers AND weeds.The Chinese garden is no different in that regard , they have flowers in the form of the Jardeen Roses and Jasmine and crabgrass in the form of the HaNazees. I try to weed the crabgrass while focusing on and accentuating the Jardeen Rose and Jasmine .

I have taken only the barest minimum of poetic license in an effort to make these stories more enjoyable to read for you. Trust me when I tell you it happened 99 % exactly as I tell it. All names have been fictionalized to protect the guilty from legal action be that civil or criminal and to protect the innocent from the guilty and most importantly to protect the author , yours truly , from the crabgrass in the Chinese garden. Those HaNazee can be vicious bastards!! lol

The HaNazee are well known for having an aversion to the spelling and grammar challenged among us. These guys are in the employ of the HaNazee.

All characters , plot lines , fictional places , and anything else even remotely associated with these stories is the intellectual property of Spacedteacher D.B.A. Bea Wildered Enterprises and may not be used without the express written consent of the aforementioned Spaced one or Bea herself.

The Harbin Ice Lantern Festival


The Tiger Of The Northeast is best known for it’s world famous Harbin Ice Lantern Festival which takes place every Winter during The Spring Festival Holiday. There are two main sites for this festival. The biggest one is on the Songhua River. It’s very impressive and draws tourists from all over the world. If you want to go you’d better be a hearty person as temperatures commonly get to 60 below F. The second site is at Zhao Lin Park on You Yi Lu / Friendship St near the Songhua River and Central St. which is The Rodeo Drive of Harbin. I actually like this site better since the sculptures are every bit as good and it only takes about 3-4 hours to see it all. I suggest you come about 5:00 P.M. It will be dark enough to get the full effect and not nearly as cold as it will get later.

The Great Harbin Cuban Cigar Autopsy Caper


Tales From The Land Of Chairman Mao’s Miracle

Spaced Teacher vs. The Yellow Knights Of The HaNazee


” The Great Harbin Cuban Cigar Autopsy Caper “

By Spaced Teacher

I have a Canadian friend here in Harbin who is a bit of a cigar afficianado . He definitely knows a good cigar when he smells one or smokes one. He is also a smooth talking wheeler dealer type. He has been in Harbin for three years and in that time he has developed many contacts. In China business is done on the basis of  guan xi / relationship. Guan xi is an integral part of Chinese culture that has it’s roots in the teachings of the first HaNazee Emperor Of China. It is indeed a very complicated , intricate concept for lao wai / foreigners to understand and become proficient at. Fred is very close to becoming a master of relationships. In his time here he has cultivated many relationships with the local Comrades.  Recently after doing some work for the local Committe Of 17 a high ranking member rewarded him with a box of Cuban cigars.


Now Fred being a naturally suspicious man as all smooth talking types are was suspicious of the authenticity of these cigars immediately. I’ve seen the cigars. They no doubt look authentic. They all came individually wrapped in cellophane and a plastic container with the band on them and were in a humidor. They certainly looked authentic to me. I was suspicious also however. When and how could authentic Cuban cigars possibly turn up in Harbin? Beijing or Shanghai would be entirely possible. Maybe even Guangzhou , Xiamen , Qingdao or a few other cities but Harbin? It just didn’t ring true.

One night Fred decided to relax by smoking a cigar and listening to some music. He broke open one of the Cubans. After a few puffs he was convinced. They were not authentic. Just to be sure though he decided to do a cigar autopsy. Out came the scalpel. Twenty minutes later the verdict was in. They were indeed fake. Fred surmised that they were probably made by Puerto Rican immigrants in the basement of  a Newark , N.J. brothel.

I’ll bet a fair number of HaNazees frequent this establishment. lol

Isn’t it curious how all the Comrades seem to have an affinity for Western goods ? lol I wonder what Karl Marx  would say about his Comrades indulging their various life pleasures?




If you come to China and anybody tries to sell you ” authentic ” Western consumer goods you’d be wise to assume that they are indeed not authentic.Forewarned is forearmed. You have been warned.


 

Readers please be aware that these stories of ” Tales From The Land Of Chairman Mao’s Miracle “are written in two different threads. ” Spaced Teacher Battles The Yellow Knights Of The HaNazee ” are the true stories of my experiences here in The Middle Cosmos while ” The Jardeen Roses Of Li Tan” is my FICTIONAL re-write of 5,000 years of Chinese history , mythology and culture from a foreigner’s perspective.You’re probably thinking ” My God how presumptuous of him.” Trust me somebody had to do it. They’ve had 5,000 years to get the job done and they just keep screwing it up. We trust our readers to be able to distinguish between the two topic threads contained within the story. That may be a giant leap of faith on the author’s ,my ,part. I write the damn story and there are days I can’t remember which thread is which. The Middle Cosmos has a way of confusing the most rational clear thinking people. It’s part of the price you must pay for the experiences of living here. As is the case with all of humanity’s gardens there are flowers and weeds. The Chinese garden is no different in that regard , they have flowers in the form of the Jardeen Roses and Jasmine and crabgrass in the form of the HaNazee. I try to weed the crabgrass while focusing on and accentuating the Jardeen Roses and Jasmine. I have taken only the barest minimum of poetic license in an effort to make these stories more enjoyable to read for you. Trust me when I tell you it happened 99 % exactly as I tell it. All names have been fictionalized to protect the guilty from legal action be that civil or criminal and to protect the innocent from the guilty and most importantly to protect the author , yours truly , from the crabgrass in the Chinese garden. Those HaNazee can be vicious bastards!! lol The HaNazee are well known for having an aversion to the spelling and grammar challenged among us so be careful with your grammar and spelling you never know when The HaNazee Grammar Master #1 or The HaNazee Spelling Misstress # 7 are watching.

All characters , plot lines , fictional places , and anything else even remotely associated with these stories is the intellectual property of Spaced Teacher D.B.A. Bea Wildered Enterprises and may not be used without the express written consent of the aforementioned Spaced One or Bea herself.

 

I hope that ” Tales From The Land Of Chairman Mao’s Miracle ” will soon become an epic novel of adventure and conquest. If you are or know a literary agent that would be interested in publishing this please have him contact Bea. He / she can just leave a comment about one of the blog posts and Bea will see it and reply . Bea is not Lucidly Challenged ALL the time !!!

 

 

Captured Or Was It Enticed By China


Spaced Teacher’s Adventures In The Middle Cosmos


This Lady is a ” Sister Of The Jardeen Rose”


The ” Sisters Of The Jardeen Rose” are the sworn enemies of the HaNazees.

” Captured Or Was  It Enticed By The Beautiful Jardeen Rose “

 

 


By Spaced Teacher


A soft Appalachian Breeze kissed the trees and caressed the birds in The Ozark Mountains of my home country America. American mythology says that America was created by God by blowing a kiss. Appalachian Breeze means “God’s Divine Kiss” . All living creatures stir with passion when they feel His Kiss. The birds burst into song as if proclaiming their love , the trees and flowers spring into bloom as if offering a dowry. All living things become gentle and peaceful.


I was sitting on the porch of my home gazing contentedly at the Ozark sunset while petting the Three Moons Of Pleeksa , my cats. In my fields the deer and antelope were grazing contentedly as the Appalachian Moon began to rise. The stars were beginning to emerge from their slumber to cast an eerie but comforting glow upon the night sky.The forest played it’s night music. I can remember thinking how beautiful it all was. A kaleidoscope for the senses!!!


The Cosmos was at rest. I was on vacation.
This was the world and situation I was captured from.

And then it happened!! My P.C.D. portable communication device or mobile phone as it’s known  to you Chinese clamored. Begrudgingly I answered it having no choice since it was The High Commander. I was summonsed to an immediate and very important meeting in Athens the state capital of my home state.Vacation over with three weeks left. Sometimes the Cosmos just SUCKS!!!



I didn’t realize it at that point yet but I had been captured or some would say enticed from my home.

My Chinese adventure was just beginning.

This English castle is actually a sea shell museum in the beautiful coastal city of Dalian in Liaoning Province , China

“The Adventures Of Spaced Teacher In The Middle Cosmos { China }” are a collection of short stories based upon my actual experiences.They are written from the point of view of an American ” lao wai” { foreigner}. As is the case with all of humanity’s gardens there are flowers AND weeds.The Chinese garden is no different in that regard , they have flowers in the form of the Jardeen Roses and Jasmine and crabgrass in the form of the HaNazees. I try to weed the crabgrass while focusing on and accentuating the Jardeen Rose and Jasmine .

I have taken only the barest minimum of poetic license in an effort to make these stories more enjoyable to read for you. Trust me when I tell you it happened 99 % exactly as I tell it. All names have been fictionalized to protect the guilty from legal action be that civil or criminal and to protect the innocent from the guilty and most importantly to protect the author , yours truly , from the crabgrass in the Chinese garden. Those HaNazee can be vicious bastards!! lol

The HaNazee are well known for having an aversion to the spelling and grammar challenged among us. These guys are in the employ of the HaNazee.

All characters , plot lines , fictional places , and anything else even remotely associated with these stories is the intellectual property of Spacedteacher D.B.A. Bea Wildered Enterprises and may not be used without the express written consent of the aforementioned Spaced One or Bea herself.